From a young age, we are taught that we should be selfless; to always think of others before ourselves. I've lived much of my life by these teachings. That's simply how I was raised. But, as wonderful as it is to be a person for others, it can also been a detriment.

I spent much of last year putting other people's needs before my own in terms of school, my future and love, that I completely lost sight of what I both wanted and needed. I wasted so much time on trying to please people and make sure they were happy that I forgot about my own happiness. So, this past summer, I decided it was time to become selfish.

Now, when I say selfish, I don't mean the type that involves being uncaring or not empathetic towards others. The selfish I'm talking about is different. My selfish is putting my own needs and wants before others. It's thinking of myself, what's best for me, rather than being solely focused on if it will benefit others.

Now, this was not an easy transition, going from being an inherent people pleaser to focusing on myself. It started out with a lot of breaking. And no, I don't mean breaking things. I mean breaking old habits, breaking off contact with people who didn't care unless there was something I could give them, and breaking the tradition of women being seen as obsequious. After breaking these three things, one by one, I became the confident, no-bullshit woman I am now. But it was not an easy transition. Each involved a lot of work.

Breaking my bad habits was probably the hardest part of becoming selfish. It was ingrained in me to put others before yourself. This was not a bad lesson, but one that convinced me I needed to be subservient to other's needs. I would spend a lot of my time, energy and even money on people, and most would not do the same. So, I had to put my foot down, and realize that these things are not for everyone. I slowly stopped picking up tabs, dropping everything for people who definitely wouldn't do that for me, and so on. I still struggle with this part, but it's become much easier to say no to people, and that's a start.

Stemming from that, I had to break off contact with a lot of unhealthy people who just used me. When I started to break my habits, many showed their true colors. They began to lash out, all because I would say no to them since what they wanted wasn't what I wanted. This worked out in my favor, as I saw who were my real friends, and who weren't. Those who weren't were blocked, so their negativity wouldn't affect me anymore. I can honestly say that this was one of the best decisions, as I now have positive influences around me who don't walk all over me.

Finally, I began, and am still trying, to break the stereotype that women should be deferential and ingratiating. This is one I will probably never fully break as I'm only one person, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. For years, women have been told they should be docile, that they should always please people. That doesn't work for me. I have dreams, needs and wants that require attention and need to be met. Being subservient to others prevents that, and keeps me stuck in one place. I refuse to let that happen. If that makes me less of a woman in some people's eyes, so be it, but I will not let myself be belittled any longer. And neither should any other woman.

You see, being selfish is not about being heartless, or not being a giver. I still put others first, but only when I truly care about them. I have standards now, rather than just giving everything I have to people who don't even deserve half of me.

Being selfish is about bettering yourself. As a college student, this is the time to grow and become the best version of yourself. You can't better yourself when you're spending all your time bettering others. That's why it's important to be selfish, so you don't lose yourself along the way.