Three weeks ago my family and I traveled to Fort Morgan, Alabama for a week of sand, salty air, and sunshine. I had never been to the beach or seen the ocean and I left Arkansas excited to get out of my little hometown and away from the crazy that is often my everyday life. I stay pretty busy working two jobs and running back and forth from various commitments, and often in the process of going to work, attending meetings, and hanging out with friends I forget to stop and breathe. In the midst of trying to please everyone else, I forget to make myself a priority.

We live in a society in which people often feel guilty or anxious if they do not attend every event they are invited to, or if they are not invited to an event that they feel they should’ve been. Too often the FOMO that happens when scrolling through social media is worse than actually missing an event, but in the process of trying to stay caught up or “in the loop” we lose a little bit of ourselves. It is important to be there to support your friends, family, coworkers, and/or significant other, but it’s equally important to take care of and support yourself.

I’m not claiming to be a self-care expert nor do I believe that I have it all figured out, but within the last year or so I have started to focus heavily on myself and what it takes to make me happy. One of the first things I learned during my journey of self-discovery and a little self-recovery is that I am much more introverted than what many people around me perceive. I have the ability to laugh at myself, speak my mind, and put myself out there for others, but that does not automatically qualify me as being extroverted. I crave time alone to think, listen to music, or even to just relax a little bit.

While I love being around people, I often find myself mentally, physically, and occasionally emotionally exhausted after a couple of hours of trying to match their energy level. It is necessary for me to have time alone so that I can recharge and be on my “A game.” Having that time alone allows me to destress and for a short time focus only on what I want. I am not neglecting the needs of those around me by taking time for myself, but instead I have begun recognizing that I too am worthy of being cared for.

If I could give you just one piece of advice I would tell you that it is important that you understand not only how to politely say no, but also when to say no. I am a people pleaser through and through. I would rather put myself out than make someone else unhappy or disappoint someone I care about. I believe it is a positive quality unless I forget to set limits for myself. It’s so much easier to just agree than it is to tell someone no, “I’m sorry I won’t be there,” or making up an excuse not to attend. But here’s the thing, you don’t have to have an excuse to say no.

Let me repeat that.

You do not have to have an excuse to say no. Sometimes you need a break to sit on the couch with a pizza and your favorite TV show or time to take a bubble bath with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and that’s OK. The time you spend taking care of yourself should be intentional and consistent. I have found that I do best when I designate a little time each day to doing something I enjoy whether it’s watching an episode of "Grey’s Anatomy" or going to the park to swing (which is actually my favorite thing to do). Prioritizing and setting time aside for myself gives me something to look forward to throughout the day. It’s almost like a reward or a present to myself. If you learn to take care of yourself, you will be able to take care of others better. Learning to take care of me is a continuous process and I’m not sure that it will ever end since I am constantly changing and growing, but it is one of the most valuable things I have ever learned.