I miss the nose prints you left on my window.

It’s been 9 months and I still haven’t cleaned them off. It’s the only reminder you were here.

I miss the slobber you left on my sheets. I used to laugh and throw them in the washer, now i’m crying cause they’re clean.

The sound of your playful bark still echos through my ears like tinnitus, only I don’t mind the ringing if its yours. A constant glance over my shoulder to see if you were getting into something you shouldn’t.

I miss coming home and you’ve torn apart a newly purchased box of tampons. The guilty smile etched on your face, I couldn’t be upset because how could I when I left them within your reach?

A paw at my back when I wouldn’t wake up when you did, a playful growl back when I howled at you and spoke your name.

You were obsessed with plushies, I’ve bought you one of every animal. Your half torn up bunny sits in the backseat where you did. I adjust my mirror out of its way. The slightest look will send me into tears.

You always loved to dress up. I still have your sweaters folded into the little drawer of my dresser. I haven’t washed them cause they still smell like your fur.

I had to buy a new comforter set because my washer wasn’t strong enough to wash away your stray whiskers. It probably was, but I wouldn’t even attempt to try.

I miss you pawing at my door, someone letting you in and you sprinting onto the bed. The way you’d cuddle right up to me, or sleep above my head.

I miss our car rides to the vet, even if the out come wasn’t good we’d get an ice cream cone. I get one by myself now.

I sat with you for awhile, sobbing and holding your head. You didn’t understand why I was so upset, I miss how comforting you were. It feels like I’ve blinked and our whole life had gone by. Well, not mine, just yours.

I had a dream before you left, we were mountain women and lived off the land. Waking up today I wish I drove us away. How could you be so full of life yesterday, and in a box today?

Nobody could understand why I took the longer way, but I knew you’d know only one of us was leaving the vet that day.

I spent so many nights lying awake, the guilt and pain overriding my brain. How could I ever forget you? I see you everywhere I go, and everywhere we’ve been. You were the star of all my pictures, my greatest pride in life.

To put up with the slobber, the fur, the barking, the many messes I had to clean up. I’d do it again in a heart beat if you were only here with me til the end.

I feel so guilty I wasted my time with you, If only I had known I would have done things differently; although to be fair I thought I had a lot longer than four years.

I couldn’t have imagined growing up together would impact me so much, but looking at our pictures I can see now we raised each other.

I’ll never wipe away the nose prints you left on my windows. I’ll never throw away the half torn bunny, and I’ll never let you leave my heart, since you took half of it with you.