I’m different: A letter to myself to remind me WHO I am
Start writing a post

I’m different: A letter to remind myself WHO I am

Like, maybe if I work myself to death for 6 months, I can possibly take a break for a few weeks, and I'm sorry but.. this isn't the life I want to live.

I’m different: A letter to remind myself WHO I am

I'm just going with the flow, man. I'm riding the waves, knowing at some point they're going to crash, but the fall is going to be the best part. Maybe in younger days with brighter thoughts, and big city dreams, I thought I was destined for something else. But now? Having a set schedule, and a set life, just isn't going to cut it for me. Making lists, and doing the same pointless fucking thing everyday was my comfort, the one thing I could count on. But lately, it's making me want to pack my things, hitch a ride, and take a year to myself because I KNOW, who I'm supposed to be. I've been having these thoughts for a while now. Like, maybe if I work myself to death for 6 months, I can possibly take a break for a few weeks, and I'm sorry but.. this isn't the life I want to live. This isn't that innocent girl who believed she was going to go to school, and follow the same path as her family, and my life is no longer a book that I've been writing with a for sure ending. Things have shifted. My soul has begun to scream at me with intense urgency, and I can't seem to silence or please her. She's exhausted. I'm exhausted. I can't place my finger on exactly what I'm tired from. It could be my constant string of reckless and racing thoughts. It might even be how I'm trying to keep up with this raging attitude that I've acquired, that sort of reminds me of a fire that's already burned it's way through multiple apartments, and only gets more and more furious as people try to tame it. I'll even take a wild guess that, perhaps I'm incredibly fatigued, and undoubtedly worn out, because I work my butt off through the week, just to sleep on the days that I have to myself, because I'm too restless to function. There's a hunger that I'm failing to feed, and I don't know if these boring, repetitive, unfulfilling, and basic habits are going to hold it off any longer. Maybe I could try being like everyone else. I could do the same old things, with the same old people, in the same old tired town where I've loved, and lost, and laughed, and been broken; Where I've grown. I could do that. But let's be real, I'm not like anyone else. I can't hinder my growth, and my positivity, and my yearning for greatness, and change, and difference. I can't force my soul to hide her endless dread, and self pity behind fake smiles, and meaningless conversations. I've had this voice in the back of mind. This piercing voice that has told me to grow up, get my shit together, to change the world, to DO something. I've tried ignoring this voice for sometime. I've tried shutting it out, asking "why me?". Why do I have to do something? What can I do? It's always in those moments that the voice seems to disappear, as if I'm supposed to figure out why I've been put on this slowly dying earth. Why I'm so honest. Why I can't ever keep my mouth shut, because my opinion is too important to be unheard. Why I've spent so much time trying to help other people. I couldn't come up with an answer back then, and I still can't. But I can feel it. I can feel this buzzing underneath my skin that happens way too often, and wakes me up out of my sleep. This buzzing that radiates through me, and makes me want yell, because I know I have so much to change. I have so many people to inspire, so many lives to improve, so many souls to revive. I was meant for something bigger than myself. I think these small town people, with material things, and plastic features, and robotic lives, will never understand who I am, or what I'm here to do. But they don't need to. They're part of the reason that I'm here to do it.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

New England Summers Are The BEST Summers

Why you should spend your next summer in New England.

Marconi Beach

Three years ago, I chose to attend college in Philadelphia, approximately 360 miles away from my small town in New Hampshire. I have learned many valuable lessons away from home, and have thoroughly enjoyed my time spent in Pennsylvania. One thing that my experience has taught me, however, is that it is absolutely impossible to beat a New England summer.

Keep Reading...Show less

Fibonacci Sequence Examples: 7 Beautiful Instances In Nature

Nature is beautiful (and so is math). The last one will blow your mind.

illustration of the fibonacci sequence

Yes, the math major is doing a math-related post. What are the odds? I'll have to calculate it later. Many people have probably learned about the Fibonacci sequence in their high school math classes. However, I thought I would just refresh everyone's memories and show how math can be beautiful and apply to physical things everywhere around us with stunning examples.

Keep Reading...Show less
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments