I recently found myself alone, at a park with a view.

As I was sitting there, staring into the illuminated darkness, my imagination had begun to run. It ran freely and passionately. But it began going to places that truly scared me, and for a brief moment in time, I feared what my imagination had created.

What it had done to me.

As an extrovert, I do not enjoy being alone. I enjoy the company of others. When I am with others, my mind is distracted by conversation and laughter. I don't care about the future or what I want or need. I'm happy with just being in the moment. There is no need for me to think about what I need to do with my life.

These are the moments that I love and cherish.

But when I am alone, I also get bored and that means that my imagination begins to wander.

I begin to think. I think about the future and what it holds. I think about the hundreds of things I need to get done before next Tuesday, and that I should probably clean my room before starting on my homework.

My mind will veer in a million different directions.

But then sometimes, I can calm down my mind from thinking about all those burdensome things, and just imagine.

I can imagine the good and the bad.

It is a beautiful yet terrifying thing.

But the funny thing is, is that my imagination usually starts out to so motivating, yet it can lead my mind into a state of darkness. A place where I feel hopeless.

As I sit in this park, and look into the deep night sky, I begin to imagine.

It starts off with me thinking about how nice it would be to have a boyfriend laying right next to me on the wet grass. I imagine what it would be like to date the guy I like. And then I begin to think about what kind of future I want for myself. What kind of lifestyle would I be most comfortable with? How can I accomplish that sort of lifestyle? Will my husband be there for me and support me in my passions? How many kids do I want to be happy? What kind of job will I have?

I essentially imagine everything necessary to live the perfect life for me. It seems kind of ridiculous to do, but let's face it... we all do this.

Imagining a good life for yourself can be a good thing. It gets you motivated. You try achieving the perfect life. You take the necessary steps to get as close as you can to that life. The life that you yearn for and that you will fight so hard for.

But your imagination can also lead you into a dark abyss that you had not intended for.

After I imagined the perfect life for myself, I began thinking of how I can get there.

And truthfully, I thought of love. How could I achieve love? How could I get the guy of my dreams and get my happily ever after? Yeah, it would be great to have a guy lying next to me on the grass, but why isn't he here now?

In our society, people have been so accustomed to thinking that if they aren't in a relationship then it is probably because there is something wrong with them. And as a member of society, I fell into this conventional way of thinking.

I thought to myself,

I don't have a boyfriend because I'm too fat. There isn't someone lying next to me because I'm too independent. I'm too intimidating. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not kind enough. I'm not feminine enough. I am not enough.

Tears began streaming down my face.

I was so sad.

My imagination was creating reasons and excuses as to why I wasn't in a relationship.I was imagining my crush's thought process and imagining him thinking of all these negative things of me.

I had to stop myself from going any further.

I realized that no one else caused this pain. I did it to myself. I set unrealistic expectations of dating my dream guy and then I gave my imaginary dream guy all the tools to break me down.

I had never been more afraid of myself in my entire life.

I caused myself to feel this pain. No one was telling me these things.

I was the main reason for having such a low self-esteem. My friends and family would constantly tell me how great I am, and how much I can accomplish, but I didn't believe them.

Why didn't I believe them? There was no reason for me not to.

I essentially had imagined all these terrible things about me, but I wanted an excuse. But it wasn't good enough to just say, "Oh, it's probably just him." No, I had to put the blame on myself.

Why? I really don't know. But it was terrifying.

We have the capability to build ourselves up or tear ourselves down. But that power only lies with us.

I allowed my imagination to tear me down, when just 5 minutes before it was building me up. I was motivated to achieve everything I wanted in life. I imagined a good life, something to look forward to, something to work for. But it soon took a very different direction. One that I had allowed myself to get to.

I heard a very interesting quote the other day by Irish playwright, George Bernard Shaw. He said, "Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will."

This was a powerful statement holding more truth than I had initially expected. Imagination is a powerful thing. But we are more powerful. We get to pick and choose what we let affect us, including the obscure things that we come up for ourselves.

We are the only ones that can get in the way of our truest potential.

We can allow our imagination to tear us down or, we can use it to build us up, motivate us, and help us achieve the things we did not know were possible.