The morning after I realized that sex was about more than simply pleasuring your partner, I walked home with a wide smile across my face. With my heels in my hand, I skipped happily down on the streets of my college town in my outfit from the night before, smiling and waving at the cars honking their horns because I knew there was no shame in this walk home. This walk home was a walk of power and reclamation. This walk home was me realizing that I am a slut and I am proud.
It took me so many years to realize that it was okay for me to want to enjoy sex just as much as my partner wanted to enjoy sex. The fear of being judged for being promiscuous or easy is a dangerous thing. This fear not only held me back from being able to voice what I wanted from my partners, but it also held me back from telling them what I did not want. No matter how many times I had sex or how many people I had sex with, it didn’t feel like I was ever in control. And I wasn’t in control because I wasn’t demanding what I wanted out of the experience due to the worry of being shamed for wanting to feel pleasure.
But when I realized that my craving for pleasure was just as important as anyone else’s, everything changed. The most important thing that came out of this realization was that by making my voice heard in my sexual experiences, I no longer felt like I had no control over my body. If I didn’t want to be touched somewhere or do something, I was no longer scared to tell them no. And if I wanted to be touched somewhere else or experiment with something different, the word slut no longer held me back from asking them if they would want to do that. Through the use of my voice, I took back my own body and my sex life by demanding consent and pleasure.
Although this journey towards unapologetic pleasure was well worth it, it was not easy. The words of partners who used shame to control me held me back for a long time, convincing me that the fingertips of my past lovers had left dirt upon my body. I spent so many nights scrubbing away at my skin to try to remove the filth, hating myself for everyone I had let touch me. And even after those men left my life, the scars remained for some time.
You see, the key to being a slut is indulging in self love. The more I learned to pleasure myself, the more I learned that I don’t care if those men thought I was dirty. If feeling this good meant I was dirty, then I wanted to be as dirty as possible. Being a slut is about doing what you want with your body, and never having to apologize for it. It’s about the ability to unapologetically choose what makes you feel good and do it over and over again until you can’t do it anymore.
For those of you who feel threatened by women like me who embrace this, women who embrace the sluts we truly are: good, you should feel threatened. We are powerful as hell because we are the women who realized the power in pleasure. We are the women who embrace every nerve ending in our body and will never feel ashamed for it. We are the women who don’t give a damn about your opinion on how to use our bodies because no one asked you.
So yes, I am a slut. I am a slut who will leave your bed the next morning and never speak to you again if I choose to do so. I am a slut who makes my own decisions about my sexual health and who would never shame anyone else for making different ones when it comes to their own. I am a slut who doesn’t always have to choose monogamy because that’s not always what I want. I am a slut who has made the choice to explore my sexuality at my own pace and would never look down upon women who have decided exploring their own is not what they want. I am a slut who stands with every other person who has had to struggle to claim their sexuality. I am a slut who believes in empowering and supporting other women to do what they want with their bodies. I am a slut who refuses to be silenced because my experience is just as valid as anyone else’s.
So to my fellow sluts, hold your head high on your walk home the next morning because you are strong and you are important.
