Unfortunately, you cannot control who brings you into this world, but you can control how they make you feel. To those of you who clicked on this article because you thought you could relate, I feel for you. And for those of you who clicked it because you were appalled somebody would say something like this about their father, I envy you. Here are a few reasons why I am thankful he is who he is.
Growing up with a shitty father for the past 19 years of my life has impacted me in many ways, as it would anyone. I am thankful for him, though, because I can now recognize the impact alcohol abuse, verbal abuse and emotional abuse has on others. I have learned that you can have empathy for others, but it doesn’t have to be at your own expense. Sometimes we either have to love people from a distance or choose to accept the fact they are not deserving of our love in the first place.
The Fifth Commandment reads, “Honor thy father and thy mother.” These are words many of us are taught to live by, but I think sometimes feeling like you have to abide by this leaves people silent about speaking out when things are wrong. You should not have to endure any type of abuse by a parent simply because they contributed to your birth, nor should you feel obligated to love them.
Often times being a victim of abuse leads to feeling unloved. I have thought to myself a few times, “If my own father does not love me, who will?” I know I am not the only person who has felt this way, and it led me into the wrong relationships with the wrong guys. Total waste of time. It’s been said before that girls who grow up without a positive male figure struggle with relationships. Sadly, I have to agree with that. I don’t think deadbeat fathers really understand the impact they have on their daughter(s) and their future relationships.
A father is supposed to teach his daughter how women should be treated, and if that girl does not have a healthy male figure in her life, then it is proven she will most likely try to fill that void in a variety of ways. If you can help it though, don’t fall into that category like I once did. Do not make the mistake of falling for a stupid boy just because he gives you attention. Looking back, I have been able to take this as an opportunity to be thankful my father does not love me the way I needed him to rather than continue to fill the void with crappy boyfriends. If you do that, it will only make you appreciate those around you who love you all the time, and not just when it is convenient for them.
In order for anyone to love you the way you need them to though, I believe you must come to peace with your past and with yourself. That has been one of my biggest challenges, but luckily I have been able to accept the situations I was put in because of him. People ask me all the time, “If you could change your past, would you?” The answer is always, “No.” I am thankful for what he put my family through because it truly made me into the woman I am today.
Is it normal for your father to tell you he wished he had a gun so he could shoot himself in front of you? Is it healthy for a father to let his friends call your mother a b*tch when she would ask him to quit drinking?
I guess what I am trying to say here is, sometimes it is difficult when any parent is a POS, but you have to learn that although we are not always born with people who can love us unconditionally, they are out there. In the mean time, it is important to stop searching for a person to fill that empty space. Be thankful you have the ability now to recognize right from terribly wrong. Love those who love you the right way. Learn, grow, focus on you, your goals and dreams, and most important, love yourself. Because at the end of the day, sometimes that is all that really matters.
I can finally live My life the way I want to, and for that, I’m thankful.
If you or someone you know is in need of help, call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to here. Both services are available 24/7.
