"I'm a strong, independent woman."
I hear that a lot. Usually I see it emphasized with some snapping of the fingers and a sassy attitude. Maybe you've seen this too, or at least heard of this societal concept. The moment it's said, there is this whole confident chick that is displayed, and for a moment, it feels really good. We say it in hopes we'll believe it, in hopes we'll convince ourselves. But what exactly are we convincing ourselves of? Is it of the fact that we're independent and strong, or the fact that we never feel lonely and dependent? It's impossible to hide from the truth because we feel it everyday. We feel it when all our friends are happy and dating except us; we feel it at a wedding; and we feel it while watching a romantic movie (cue the Nicholas Sparks movie list).
Yeah, you and I are strong women, but we're also lonely women--it's okay to admit that.
I'd be lying if I didn't say that I've struggled with this concept, of wondering why it doesn't ever disappear or why I can't control it. But one day it finally hit me like a brick: we feel lonely and dependent because we were made that way; we're beings with longing. We were made for companionship and connection and love. The hardest longing among people is the longing to be loved by a companion, whether husband or wife. It's natural, friends, and you no longer have to beat yourself up about it. This truth is where you can find freedom and let it sink into your soul. Once I established this truth from the Bible, and after I read a book by Mandy Hale titled: Beautiful Uncertainty, I wrote down this life truth:
"I am a strong, independent woman in the sense that: I am independent from a man but I am strong because of my dependence on God."
I finally realized, after holding against myself an impossible longing, that I couldn't rid myself of the longing, but I could work with it. I decided to use my spring semester as an opportunity to grow in my relationship with God because He is what satisfies my soul in every aspect of life: when I'm physically tired, emotionally drained, or spiritually lacking. Looking back on the semester, I can say that I found contentment because my identity wasn't wrapped around my relationship status but satisfied in whose I was. Knowing that I belong to God and don't need anyone else to make me happy has made all the difference. The proof? I've never been happier. Yeah, the longing is still there, but it's not as prevalent and earnest in my thoughts - it's just connected to a future hope. For now, I'll stay classy in my singleness as an independent woman and enjoy every free moment of it. I hope you do, too.
