I don't know if you even knew how I truly felt about you, and maybe it wasn't truly love, but at this point in time, I think it was.
I'm sorry that I thought you were different. I'm sorry that I messed up the timeline.
I think about this a lot.
I think about my feelings when you first started talking to me again and how I just pushed you to the side and went for the biggest douchebag I would ever meet. He hurt me, and then you were there to pick up the pieces.
You were different.
You complimented me. You told me how pretty I was. You liked me, and I took that for granted. I have a problem with that, I think that they like me once so they'll like me forever.
Little did I know...
I remember the first time you told me I was pretty I said, "I know." (Damn, I was such a stuck up bitch.)
I feel bad about that every day. I wasn't playing hard to get, I just didn't feel it yet. Then, one day it hit me like a bus.
I liked you. I was slowly, but surely, falling for you.
But, then everything changed. We only talked every three days, I would see you with "Her" more and more, you stopped giving me hugs and then it was silent.
Radio silent for months.
The entire summer I sat around thinking about what could've been.
You could've told me you had feelings for someone else or that the entire time we were "talking" you had someone else you were more serious about. Or instead of telling me that "you don't date," you could have told me you just didn't want to date me.
That might've hurt less.
I wasted my time and my love on you. I made you feel loved and you know that. I went to your hockey games, I met your parents, I held your hand when you got your blood drawn.
And you made me feel loved.
Holding my hair back as I threw up the ice cream my lactose-intolerant self couldn't handle, wiping the tears off my face when the Jets lost against the Blues, wrapping me in your arms as I was having a panic attack over the ACT, always treating me like a princess... even when I was a complete jerk.
I'm sorry that you didn't have the guts to actually tell me how you felt while I poured my heart out to you.
That's why you aren't a man.
Because you didn't have the common decency to tell me how you felt after I told you everything and because you let her control your life. You changed, I don't know if you know that, but you did.
You didn't just stop talking to me, you stopped being friends with me, and you let her hate me even though I did nothing wrong.
As if me hating myself wasn't enough, but you know what, I don't regret the year we had. But, I do regret the fact that I didn't know my worth, I didn't know that I could truly do better.
Maybe it wasn't love after all.
But, I'm still yours,