“Stop saying you’re sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
I don’t know about you, but this is a conversation I have on daily basis. I am one of those people who apologize for everything. I could be right and I will still apologize to avoid an argument or to end one.
The biggest reason I apologize for everything is because I am so afraid of people leaving me. So many people have promised to always be there and walked away from me.
The only constant factor is me, right?
It had to be something I’d done, right?
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe, next time if I apologize more, they won’t leave.
The truth of the matter is: it’s not me. Maybe it’s not even them. It’s both of us, though. It’s the fact that maybe we were never meant to stay in each other’s lives forever. We had served our purpose to each other, and it was where our paths separated.
That’s hard to understand when you’re losing your best friend or significant other. So you begin to blame yourself. You realize the only thing you can do is apologize more.
When I say I’m sorry, I’m not being insincere. I truly am sorry for whatever it is we’re fighting over, even if I’m not wrong in the situation. I’m still sorry.
The worst is when people tell you that you apologize too much, because you know you do. But it’s so hard to stop. Unfortunately, this leads people to believe we can be treated like doormats, and even then we still apologize.
You need to recognize that there is a reason this person is apologizing too much. There is a reason this person is saying “I’m sorry” for every little thing they think they did wrong. It’s not because they don’t want to listen to why you’re upset or mad at them, but rather because someone in their past made them believe everything was their fault. That made them feel like they had to apologize for everything.
Because they apologize so often, it begins to sound like they're insincere, but they are being sincere. They were just made to believe that if they don’t apologize, there are going to be consequences- whether that be the person leaving, or the silent treatment for an unspecified amount of time, or even more yelling. People who apologize too much have just been conditioned that way.
The next time you accuse someone of apologizing too much, please remember that someone made him or her that way. It is not their fault, and they understand that it can be annoying to someone who doesn’t constantly expect an apology. Unfortunately, it is hard to break that type of conditioning.
If you know someone who apologizes too much, do not treat him or her like a doormat. If they apologize, don’t tell them to stop apologizing, because they can’t. Instead, when they apologize accept the apology or apologize in return. Don’t continue the conditioning and make them see that they are more than whoever did this to them.
