They always say to do what you love when you’re sad, so here I am writing about it.

You know those weeks where everything just seems to be going wrong? Well, I’ve been having one of those weeks for about six weeks. It’s been really hard. I suffered a knee injury, some really nasty fights with people that I love, severe homesickness, I have a schedule that allows almost no downtime and overall I’m very stressed. Stressed to the point where I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning, I don’t want to check any social media, I have no appetite, and my head hurts. I genuinely don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone.

It’s been a rough few weeks.

I think the homesickness is what started it all, I know that may seem like a really lame reason to be feeling this depressed, but it was just the first scope of the sundae. I think it was just wanting to go home, to see the brand new house my mom and dad just got together, thats right on the lake. My favorite spot in my hometown. It was that I desperately wanted to go home, but I couldn’t because my workload left me with zero free weekends.

So I was doing all the things I do when I normally miss home. I got a soft pretzel, watched some “Gilmore Girls”, went for a run, then I watched “Friends”, are you starting to see what my mom and I usually do together? This time, the worst time ever, it didn’t work. I didn’t feel any better, I actually felt worse. The months I would have to wait to see my parents, to be back home, really started to drag me down. The hole was getting bigger as all my obligations got more and more intense. First it was group projects that I was practically doing all the work for, then it was events for organizations I was in, and holding a leadership position for them.

Call me a nerd, but I always loved school. The two quarters before this I loved going to almost all my classes (required rhetoric and math classes are never fun). Now the workload was growing so much, I had to throw myself out the door to get myself to go anywhere. I dread going to class. My sleep schedule practically doesn’t exist, I knew when I went to class, the amount of homework I had would grow. I convinced myself I could ignore it. I’m willingly studying for a midterm I know that I’m not going to do well on.

It just feels so much easier to sit in the dirt, than to climb up a mountain. Not to mention with the knee injury I now have.

Things have been really tough lately, but things have been tough my whole life. I’ve gotten through it, most of the time. I know this quarter is going to end soon, and I’ll probably feel a lot better when it does. I know I'll feel better when I finally climb the obstacle of doing my dishes and showering today. I’m sure I’ll feel better after I take the midterm I have tomorrow, and finish this group project that in reality is mostly a me project.

I never listened to people before when they told me to write about my feelings. I’m Irish, so I bottle everything up until the day I die.

But copying a John Mulaney joke just now did put a smile on my face.

Writing all of this in complete silence finally makes me feel like I can breathe a little.

Anyways, this is very very rambly. I’m sorry for how long my little rant was, but I felt like I need to get it out there. I just wanted to write out the word: no matter how sad I feel right now, I’m going to get through it somehow. One day I’ll wake up and I will feel happy.