This morning I had a middle aged male customer call me babydoll. I bit my tongue for the sake of good customer service, but I assure you, it was infuriating. I'm not your babydoll. I'm not your sweetheart, or your honey, or your baby. You would never think to call one of my male coworkers anything but "sir" or what is written on their name tags. But that's just it, isn't it? I'm a woman. I don't receive the same well-mannered respect you reserve for a man. This is rape culture. I don't mean that my customer is surely a rapist or that customers who refer to me as "ma'am" surely aren't rapists, but it’s the attitude. The prevalent notion that a man is a man and a woman is an object of your affection. And the most dangerous element is that they find no flaws in their choice of pronoun. They think it’s sweet. Charming. Flattering. An unwarranted, unsolicited act of intimacy. They always think it’s flattering.

But any woman will tell you it's far from flattering. It's insulting and a clear manifestation of a man's entitlement. But we don't say anything, do we? We've been conditioned to strictly adhere to social norms which tell us that it would be rude to reject it. "Take it as a compliment! It's harmless!" And when a stranger's hand finds its way to my ass in the dim light of a party, is that a compliment too? Should I be grateful? When Brock Turner, otherwise known as the Stanford rapist, ripped off an unconscious young woman's panties, was he merely paying her a compliment?

I wouldn't dare equate being called baby to being actually physically violated; my intention is only to establish a pattern. Entitlement. Accepting the absence of a no as a yes. Considering intoxication to be an invitation. Where do we draw the legal line between creepy customer and punishable criminal? You’d honestly think it would be obvious. When a young woman is heinously attacked behind a dumpster, you would think that her attacker, caught red-handed, would be appropriately punished. You would think. But the reality is that the United States Justice system failed that young woman to an extent usually reserved for young black men. Brock Turner preyed on this woman, raped this woman, stole this woman’s sense of security, shattered this woman’s confidence, robbed this woman of her independence, but he received a light sentence because the judge feared a longer one would leave a damaging “lasting impact.” A decision that essentially deemed this criminal’s life and future more important than his survivor’s. Why? Because Brock Turner is a man, and that woman laying behind the dumpster is just another babydoll.

This is not an isolated case. Recently, a teen girl in Brazil was gang raped and videotaped by over 30 men. An Indian woman was raped on public transportation as her toddler hid in the corner. Rape culture is a worldwide epidemic. While the violence escalates, the consequences lessen. We are constantly more and more inclined to discredit victims and defer blame. Were you drunk? What were you wearing? Did you say no? As if margaritas and miniskirts make rape less of a crime. Last I checked, we didn’t blame shooting victims for not wearing Kevlar. Last I checked, we didn’t blame robbery victims for rocking a Rolex. But it doesn’t matter, does it? It’s not about how drunk you were or what you were wearing or what you said or didn’t say. It’s about the fact that you are a woman and he is a man and one of you is intrinsically believed to matter more.

But this is an archaic belief. This is a belief that is continuously being shattered by every female doctor, lawyer, engineer, single mother, educator and survivor that exhibits unbreakable spirit. So, just an unfriendly reminder that as powerful as you think your genitals are, ours are the ones that brought you into this world. Keep testing us, baby. See if you can reap that which you sow.

Additionally, I entirely recognize that sex crime against men is a real and horrific phenomenon that is unfortunately even more swept under the rug. Being that I am discussing in specific the Brock Turner case, I have chosen to focus this piece on the experience of women in the realm of rape culture. However, I am equally infuriated at the crime and am exceptionally empathetic for the male survivors of sexual assault. This is a battle we are obligated to fight unitedly.