Depression -- A mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also associated with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep.

My official story with depression started three years ago when I was 17 years old. I was a senior in high school and everything seemed to be going right for me. I had good grades, even better friends and family, was fairly popular among classmates, and had gotten accepted into every college I applied to. At the surface, nothing was really wrong with my life or me. In fact, many would say I had a seemingly normal and perfect life, but on the inside, I was in such turmoil. To say the least, I was sad for absolutely no reason. I would constantly dwell on the past and on things that I could not change or were simply out of my control. I was crying far more often than I normally had. I was angry all the time. I started drifting away from my loved ones, and I would sleep all the time. Depression is a silent killer and it likes to creep up on you when you least expect it. Back then, I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. All I knew was that I was sad and felt so incredibly alone. I felt that no one understood what I was experiencing, and I was too afraid to say anything in fear that people would think that I am crazy. I didn't know that I suffered from mental illness. I didn't know my brain wasn't producing enough serotonin. All I knew was that I was sad and alone.

A few months later, I sat in a doctor's office listening to my doctor talking about every feeling of worthlessness, loneliness, and despair I felt emotionally. Again, nothing was wrong in my personal life, my brain just wasn't producing enough endorphins that allowed me to feel emotions normally. For once, I felt someone understood what I had been feeling the past couple of months, and he told me that I suffered from moderate to severe clinical depression.

The word depression itself scared the hell out of me, but I knew I needed to do something that would allow me to feel "normal" again.

Now fast forward three years. I am 20 years old, a sophomore in college, and am the happiest and most successful I have been in my life. I have great friends, I am thriving in my program in college, I am involved in amazing programs, and I'll be graduating early. My future looks bright.

But I still have those days where I feel "blah."

Now mind you, nothing overly good or overly bad happened to me that day; I just feel almost "sick." Sick is the best way to put it. I have no energy, I just stare off into space half the time during class, I cry, and I often curl up in a bawl in my comforter, turn the lights off, and sleep for ungodly amounts of time. This isn't me being tired, apathetic, or "PMS"ing. This is functional depression. Yes, I take medicine for my depression, but some days, my medicine isn't enough, and it is quite normal to have one of those "blah" days, as I like to call them.

People expect individuals with functional depression to be their normal selves all the time, and that is quite a difficult standard for people with functional depression to achieve. We can't smile, laugh, or joke like we normally do all the time. It's not that you said something to offend me or upset me. Again, nothing overly good or overly bad happened. This is just how I feel and how my brain works, and people have to understand that. My brain doesn't produce enough of the endorphin serotonin, which regulates positive emotions. So, if my brain doesn't produce enough positive emotions, how can you expect me and others with functional depression to meet your happiness standards?

Hopefully, you understand what myself and many others living with functional depression are feeling. We just want you to understand what we're thinking and how we're feeling.