Dear friend,

I’m writing this to you because I feel like you would be able to respond without any judgement, or not even respond at all in hopes that you just understand how I feel and not try to fix it like everyone else.

The conclusion I have come up with to sum up the existence of my current life is this: I’m not okay.

For so long I have answered the mediocre question, “Hey, how are you?” with a simple, “Oh, I’m okay,” just to pose a smile, feel obligated to ask how they are, they respond with a mediocre “I’m okay,” as well and then we both leave. What would happen if every time I was asked that question, if I were to respond with honesty?

And speaking of honesty, I need to be honest with you. Truth is, I don’t feel very happy these days. I feel like I am drowning, and I am convincing myself every day that I am okay and alright with this feeling.

I am not okay with the way some people treat me. I am sick of people deciding that they just simply don’t want to be friend anymore, and just leaving without even feeling bad or saying sorry. I’m not okay with losing best friends.

I am not okay with the weird pressure of college that society has created that if you get a well-paying job after college, you are deemed “successful.” And if you don’t get a well-paying job/career right away, and struggle for a bit, you are deemed a “failure.”

I am not okay with the way I create my own social anxiety issues. I can’t seem to bring myself to go to parties without feeling uncomfortable or awkward, and I hate this.

I am not okay that my current living situation makes me feel so uncomfortable and unwanted. I feel so trapped in my mind and the worst part is that sometimes I don’t even know why. I don’t even have a logical understand or reasoning as to why I feel just so awful, but all I know is that I am not okay.

This letter isn’t very positive, and there isn’t going to be a last paragraph that tell you how I got over this feeling or that “brighter days are up ahead,” because, again, this is me being honest. Over the past few months I have felt so bad and so not mentally okay.

I am also writing this is hopes that it can relate to someone out there. I want it to be known that college might not be “the best time of your life,” and this is okay. Being at college has been stressful and given me a lot of anxiety.

To shed some light of positivity, I’m also convinced that eventually I will stop feeling like this. I will meet new people who don’t treat people like used tube socks with a whole in the heel, and eventually I will become “successful,” even if I have to tweak the definition and create my own.

Well, I guess that’s what’s going on with me. For a long time, I was embarrassed to express how I feel and to make it publicly known, but I’m not so afraid anymore. Because this is the honest truth, and I just can’t help but feel that people aren’t as honest as they should be. Not everything is happy and sugar-coated, bubblegum pop.

I hope you understand, and if you don’t, please just know that if I am struggling, no one gets to decide that I’m not. And I’m not okay right now.

Sincerely,