As I looked around the room, my eyes met the girls'. Every one of them seemed scared to death to tell me what I already knew. Most of the girls in the room had boyfriends and most of them had probably already given themselves away. None of us, as leaders, had asked any questions pointed at their purity but it wasn't a secret that these girls were struggling with it. Calling it the "elephant in the room'" would be an understatement. My heart ached to tell them that they are still loved and that there wasn't a leader in the room that would ever think of condemning them for their mistakes. I wanted to tell them living a life of purity was still possible. I racked my brain trying to figure out how I could make these girls feel comfortable enough to open up on such a hidden topic. But you see, that was the problem. It was hidden. Their moms had probably talked to them about it before, their dads have probably said something extremely awkward and protective, and some Christian woman has probably looked at them like they were the devil themselves if the word "sex" ever came out of their mouths. But you know what's funny? Do you know the one place sex isn’t hidden? Guys.
Yep, that’s right. Boys. Let's get even more real: This is probably one of the first article's any of the guys I went to high school with have even had any interest in opening. You know what is super sad about the fact that boys teach girls more about sex than anyone else? The fact that they don't even know what sex really is. "You gotta test drive the car before you buy it" is so far behind us. Nowadays people don't even have an explanation for "why" other than "why not?" I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've sat in a highschool classroom and cringed at the stories I could hear being told behind me. If I wouldn't have heard them using my classmate's names, I would've thought that the guys behind me were talking about an object, not a person. I am not saying that every single guy has a wrong idea of what sex is, but I will say that ,in our world today, most do. They joke and they taunt and they cat call and they intimidate. They demoralize, objectify, belittle, and absolutely dismantle girls' idea of sex.
I am beyond heartbroken that we as women who want to lead others to real love in Christ, are too scared to talk to younger women about something as crucial as this. "Sex" is not a cuss word. Why is it that teenage guys in a high school setting are more open to teaching your daughters, sisters, and friends about sex than you are... and they don’t even know what they're talking about! Are we so scared of telling the truth that we are willing to sit back and let them listen to lies? Or let me put it this way: Are we so scared of the topic that we are willing to let the same guys who want to take advantage of these girls, teach them what sex means?
As Chrisitans we are called to be brave and bold and to do so in truth. So, let me tell you what sex is designed to be.
"the biblical writers affirm the goodness of sexuality as God's gift. The Song of Solomon is an extended love poem with explicit erotic imagery and language. Sex is affirmed as a source of pleasure and shared intimacy between husband and wife. Sexual pleasure is not an accident of human biology--it is one of the Creator's sweetest gifts to human beings. The promise of sexual pleasure and satisfaction is to draw us into the marital covenant, and then shared joy of physical union is a vital part of the marital bond. The biblical writers affirm sexuality as a part of our embodied existence.As human beings we are sexual creatures, and as sexual creatures we are called to honor God with our bodies. Within the context of the marital covenant, the husband and wife are free to express love for each other, experience pleasure, and join in the procreative act of sexual union. This is pleasing to God, and is not to be a source of shame." - Dr, Mohler
People ask me all the time what the ring on my finger is for. When I explain it to them they usually do one of three things: Laugh, question, or applaud. I am convinced that people who respond to my purity the first two ways have probably never had a Christian explain to them what sex is. Christian leaders pour into the boys they mentor, begging them to run away from triple x sites. Meanwhile little girls are up at night watching the same garbage trying to figure out what we're too scared to talk to them about. Meanwhile their learning what sex isn’t. Meanwhile their probably getting just as addicted to porn as the guy down the street. Meanwhile Christian leaders are shaming girls on the length of their shorts before they even know their name. Meanwhile adults sit with dropped jaws wondering why generation after generation seems to get worse on the subject.
So meanwhile, when someone asks me why I won't have sex until marriage, i'll tell them why. I'll tell them fully what I believe sex is. I'll tell them I want it to be something sacred between God, my husband, and I. I'll tell them I want it to be a special gift. I'll tell them I am being obedient to the one who gifted such a beautiful thing to us in the first place. I'll tell them I am being faithful to my future husband and I will tell them that I'm praying my future husband is doing the same. And you'd better believe that if I'm face to face with a girl I'll tell her that she can come to me anytime with any questions. I'll tell her sex outside the lines of marriage is a sin, but "sex" isn't a bad word. I'll tell her to talk to her friends about how important it is. I'll tell her to ask them if they really know what sex is before they make the decision to have sex out of God's design. I'll tell her it's exciting and intimate and important. And I'll tell her it's worth the wait. Elizabeth Elliot says, "A good and perfect gift, these natural desires, but so much more the necessary that they be restrained, controlled, even crucified, that they might be reborn in power and purity for God."
Listen. If we continually allow the world to educate these kids on what sex is, we will continually watch them struggle with it. While we're too afraid to talk about it as Christians, KISS fm is releasing new songs daily that fill them in on every detail of what it isn't.
Be real. Be relevant. Be raw.
"Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God." - 1 Thessalonians 1-4
