People think having a big heart is a great thing... unless you're someone with a big heart. Having a big heart means constantly trying to fix others and their problems.
It means falling too quickly and too deeply. It means constantly living in fear of disappointing others. And a lot of times, it means feeling empty. Because not everyone is like you, you're often misunderstood and left longing for more love and care.
Growing up with a big heart meant that I constantly longed for more. I wanted to have lots of meaningful friendships and for my family to get along. I wanted everyone to be happy: including myself. But I was always left longing. I had some friends but really only two or three deep connections and my family never did get along. These circumstances kept me in a state of sadness. I desperately searched for love from other people to fill the holes left by those who were suppose to make me feel whole.
As I got older, I found myself in relationships that never worked out. The guys I dated were cool - we had fun and I could always talk to them. When my first boyfriend told me he loved me, I broke down the walls and let myself fall deeper and deeper into his words. But that's all there was. Words. After months of realizing the holes he had created, I let him go. I dappled in a couple of other relationships - each time falling into the same trap before meeting HIM. This boy, he's something else. In many ways, we're different. But when it comes to our heart, we're very much the same. We have big hearts and a lot of love to give. But combining two young, damaged hearts might be a recipe for disaster. How can two people who have been hurt so much, trust each other? But then again, how can they not? It could all end in terrible disaster but we'll make the jump.
Having a big heart means constantly battling between desperately wanting love and being terrified of opening up to someone and falling. Having a big heart means being open and willing but careful.The battle between desperately wanting love and being terrified of opening up to someone. Having a big heart means always being aware that you may never find the love you're seeking but loving anyway. We're just living in a state of hopeless love.
