Yup, you read that title right. I have been losing my hair since I was four years old, and I have hidden this from most people ever since then. Of course, my family, closest friends, and boyfriend know about this, but telling them was a struggle all in itself. You never know how people will react to you telling them that you’re so young and losing your hair.

I have alopecia areata. Alopecia areata is an autoimmune condition where your immune system attacks the hair follicles, and your hair falls out in small patches. Some patches are larger than others, but hair loss can occur all over the body — not just the head (losing patches of my leg hair was the only positive thing about this condition). Alopecia areata is a genetic disease, but scientists aren’t exactly sure what causes it. It isn’t painful, and it causes no harm to me, except for the emotional and mental toll it has taken on me.

From a young age, I tried my hardest to cover up the bald spots on my head. I would wear bandanas pulled down to my eyebrows to cover the growing bad spot on my forehead. At sleepovers, I would wake up in the middle of the night to fix my hair so no one would know that I was losing my hair. I refused to go swimming with my friends, and if I did, I would not get my head wet. Not diving under water or jumping into the pool with your friends takes all the fun out of the day. I only hoped that I could be normal one day.

I will never forget the first time that someone made a comment about my hair to my face. It was in sixth grade, and I can picture the moment like it was yesterday. I was at the point in my life where I was beginning to do my own hair, but I was also struggling to cover up the bald patches and short hair growing in all over my head. This meant that I had use lots of hair products. This boy called me “helmet hair” because of it. And he proceeded to call me that for the rest of junior high (and some of high school). I would try and try to use less product in my hair because of this, but nothing else seemed to help in the cover-up process.

That same year, girls began to question me as to why I never wore my hair down. At that time, I had bald patches in the what seemed like the worst places on my head. There was no other way for me to cover these up besides strategically combing my hair into an up-do. People would try and touch my ponytail and tell me how much prettier I would look if I wore my hair down, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. And I couldn’t bring myself to do it until I was a junior in high school.

I was only able to wear my hair down in high school because I discovered a way to cover up the bald spots. I began to color in my pale bald spots with black eye shadow or eyeliner so they would blend in with my dark hair. I strategically bobby pinned my hair back to cover spots, teased my hair to make it look less thin, and used a three-barrel curling iron to make my straight hair appear to have more layers.

My hair is currently too thin to wear down (in my opinion, at least), which is why in most recent pictures I can be seen wearing a bun on top of my head. In the past few years, I have also begun to lose my eyebrows, which is why I have to pencil them in most days. I see people on the internet making fun of those with filled-in eyebrows and I can’t help but feel as though people think this way about me.

As far as treatment goes, I have really only tried the natural approach. I have used essential oils, vitamins, and cut gluten out of my diet (a recent study showed that this could help, it didn’t). When I first saw a doctor for this condition, there was nothing that could really be done. I saw a dermatologist about five years later and they told me that I could get cortisone shots in my head to try and stimulate hair growth. However, he somewhat advised against it, as I had so many bald patches on my head at the time that it would have been very painful (they would have to inject it in each follicle). The treatment options I learned about were temporary and would not help prevent hair loss in the future. The doctor thought that I would be completely bald by puberty.

Well here I am, twenty years old, still with a half head of hair. I can’t bring myself to get these shots on my head because I’m scared of needles. I also can’t bring myself to fully shave my head and wear a hairpiece. So for now, I have to be content with the bald spots on my head and body.

My family has been a major support system throughout this entire ordeal. If we went to a swimming in public, my sister would be there right behind me, spreading out the clumped together wet hair to cover up a spot. My mom and dad both knew how to do my hair to cover up the spots, and were incredibly patient when I was having a super bad hair day. My friends have encouraged me to stop stressing about my hair so much and have led to me being confident enough to go out in public without spending hours on my hair. My boyfriend tells me how beautiful I am daily, and that my hair loss has no effect on our relationship. I will forever be grateful for these people who have tried to help me feel normal over the past 16 years.

The point of this article wasn’t to gain sympathy for myself, but to encourage people not to judge. I didn’t tell people about my alopecia before because I was afraid that people would judge me or not want to be associated with me. Why did I even think that way? I was met with such negativity for the way I did my hair and people didn’t even know what I was going through.

Sometimes I wonder if they had known if they still would have said those things to me. But that shouldn’t even have to be a thought in my mind. I just want to encourage everyone to take a moment to be kind to one another, because you truly never know what someone is going through.

September is Alopecia Areata Awareness Month. This month is important to those with alopecia areata because there is no permanent cure for this condition. The National Alopecia Areata Foundation encourages people to talk about and bring awareness to this condition this month. If you would like to learn more about alopecia areata, visit www.naaf.org.