Illuminati. Monarch Programming. New World Order. Bilderberg Group. Rothschild Family. MKUltra. FEMA Concentration Camps. Chemtrails. Majestic 12. Reptilians. Roswell. Area 51. Chances are, you know someone who believes in, or are someone who believes in one conspiracy theory or another. Almost all of them are impossible.

For the record, I’m not being paid by the Illuminati, though if they actually do exist, and would like to send me a scholarship, I’m sure we can work something out. Though, I suppose that if you truly believe in all that New World Order nonsense, it would be pretty hard for you to believe that I’m not in their payroll or brainwashed. This article is for everyone else, then, who hasn’t been indoctrinated to believe that everyone who disagrees with them is part of a nefarious plot.

The family of World Government conspiracy theories that permeate the fringes of popular culture allege that the governments and populations of the world, particularly America, are being controlled by a shadowy group of elites, usually linked to banking families, and enlightenment era secret societies who seek to subjugate the world in an authoritarian government for their own nefarious benefit.

Fortunately, this is almost certainly codswallop. For a massive New World Order to stay a conspiracy, it would have to avoid even a single person leaking information that would expose them. Most of these conspiracy theories say they really came into their own at the turn of the 20th century, the end of WWII, and post-9/11. That’s several generations of people being involved in a massive conspiracy, and not a single reputable person has produced halfway decent evidence to back up their claims. If the New World Order really does include many famous, rich elites, how is it that none of them have a conscience? What does Bill Gates gain from subjugating the American people? He has money and power already, and he uses that money and power for the benefit of mankind (because yachts get boring after awhile).

Ask yourself: If you were approached by a shadowy organization in control of the government, and they offered you money, power, or blackmail to help them, would you? Maybe. But would you keep their secrets after you were dead? Would you refrain from posting evidence online anonymously? Would you keep your mouth shut if you got on their bad side and they moved to assassinate you? In 100 years, how is it that not a single powerful person decided to spill the beans? I can’t believe that every rich, intelligent, powerful person has no regard for humanity, to the extent they couldn’t be bothered to put an end to a damaging conspiracy, even if it benefited them, at the end of their lives. It’s incomprehensible to me that a conspiracy like this could really exist. It depends so heavily on every person involved being a complete greedy sociopath. I admit, most people are not perfectly moral, but compare this with other, actual scandals and conspiracies.

Edward Snowden exposed the NSA’s program less than 10 years after mass surveillance came into policy. He was a contractor, working indirectly, and he was able to gather enough evidence to irrefutably expose the NSA’s mass surveillance program of American metadata. In today’s age of information, it would be so exceptionally easy for me to take a few snapshots of emails, or files, post them online through a VPN anonymously or with a burner phone. I wouldn’t even have to risk my position to do it. And yet, we hear nothing.

I ask the same question about Bigfoot, Nessie and UFO sightings. How is it that all these sightings only ever happen with blurry photographs? Why is it that the only people to get abducted are unreliable? Why, in the age of the iPhone, where every person carries the ability to record whatever the hell their cat did this morning, nobody has any clear evidence of conspiracies, aliens or any other theorized phenomenon?

It’s probably because they aren’t true. You want true conspiracies, look to the growing power of mass surveillance. The government is not very good at hiding its huge operations and you can rest assured that aliens aren’t being kept in Area 51.