Most people I know are lucky enough to say they have a best friend; someone who they can vent to, will listen to their problems, will run boring errands with you, and will always know just the right thing to say when you’re feeling down. These things can be anything from comforting words when someone gets broken up with, encouraging words after you fail a test, or even just cracking a joke to make you smile. Your best friend knows all the right things to say, but what happens when they lose a loved one? We’ve all experienced losing someone at some point in our lives, but we are often at a loss for words when someone we are close to goes through the same thing. Here are some things you can do for your friends that will mean a whole lot more than your broken-record words of wisdom we hear far too often.
Invisible Acts Of Kindness
One of the most popular things that people say when someone has lost a loved one is “let me know if you need anything”. Trust me when I say that when someone is grieving a loss, the last thing they’re going to want to do is ask someone for help, especially if this offer is from someone they don’t know very well. Although this is a nice gesture to make, do something nice for them instead. Instead of asking “what can I do for you” surprise them with something. Whether this is their favorite drink from Starbucks, a movie you picked up for the two of you to watch together, or even their favorite bar of candy, this surprise will take their mind off the pain for a short while. These are heuristic ways to let someone know that you’re there for them, without them having to ask for a favor.
Don’t Say Their Loved One is “In A Better Place”
Although the comfort of knowing that our loved one who has passed on is not suffering or is in the Promised Land, they’re gone. The only thing that is really going to help your friend get through the grief would be one last hug, one last movie night, or the chance to say one last “I love you” with the person they’ve recently lost. The only place that would be better than the Promised Land is here.
Listen
Sometimes the best way to help someone get through the pain of dealing with such a surmountable loss is to talk with them about the memories they had with their loved one. Whether or not you understand all the inside jokes that your friend shared with this person, the stories of better times, and all the language that they used to speak to each other in, listen anyways. Laugh when they laugh, cry when they cry, and let them be happy. Even if this happiness of remembering the person they miss the most is only present for a minute, it can help relieve some of the heartache that comes along with such a loss.
Discourage Social Media
In today’s society, we often turn to Social Media as a mode of escape. We turn to it out of boredom, to procrastinate on homework, or even to do a little stalking here and there. When some people are in such a deep state of despair, it’s easy to turn to our favorite social media platforms as a way to forget the sorrow, but it can often have the opposite effect. We have become so accustomed to posting about our emotions and opinions on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram that seeing something as heavy as memorializing a loved one on a platform that’s more often used for pleasure can sometimes make it feel like the situation is being desensitized. We become entranced by the repeated words that are supposed to provide comfort, and can easily make grieving that much harder. Instead of letting your friend stare blankly at a phone screen, encourage them to do something out of the norm; go for a hike, watch a movie, or maybe even play a board game. Knowing that you’re there for them brings a feeling of content that’s something Facebook can’t provide.
Losing someone is something that no one wants to experience, but is something that is unfortunately unavoidable. It’s something that is not only difficult to experience ourselves, but can sometimes be tougher when you’re watching someone close to you go through it, knowing that there is little you could do to comfort them. Next time you have a friend who experiences the loss of a loved one, don’t be afraid to help however you feel they need it. If you find yourself at a loss for words, provide them with some of the unconventional help that I’ve previously stated to help them instead. They may not be aware of your help now, but they’ll appreciate it when they realize they couldn’t have gotten through a tough period of time without you.
