I often sit and think about what life would be like if you were still here. I think about what life was like when you were here. I miss you. I wish every day that you were still here. I know that it would be impossible, but if I could have one more day with you, I wouldn't take it for granted.
I would start off by telling you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't stop and visit you when you were sitting on your front porch waving at me every time I came home. I was such a busy kid that I just had to get home, and I couldn't spare a few minutes for you. I'm sorry for feeling uncomfortable every time you hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I was young and stupid and creeped out because you were old. Just know that I still remember the feel of every hug and kiss you gave me, and I'd give anything to feel your arms around me again. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to your stories more. Even though they were always the same stories about the war over and over again, I'd give anything to be able to hear you tell them again. I would record everything you say so that I'd have it later on. I'm sorry we let my cousins, you know the ones, take advantage of you. What they did to you was wrong. They lied to you, they stole from you and they manipulated you into giving them everything. You were such a kind man, and they took advantage of you for trying to help them out. So, I'm sorry.
Life is so much different without you. I'm still in school by some miracle of God. You just don't know how many times I've wanted to throw in the towel and drop out. Whenever I feel like giving up, I remember the last thing you ever told me. You were so proud of the fact that I was in college. When we reminded you, your face lit up. I'd give anything to see that again. I hold onto the promise that I made you. I promised that I would finish, for you. I still promise that I will. It's just taking longer than I planned.
Mama is still as amazing and kind as you were — are. I know that she still misses you. Don't be mad at her for putting you in the nursing home. You were a stubborn buck, and it was draining the life out of her to continue taking care of you on her own. She loved you so much. She never abandoned you while you were there. She visited you more than anyone else. I know you wanted to die at home, but we both knew that Mama wasn't going to let that happen if she could help it. We almost lost you several times, but she knew God wasn't ready for you yet. It didn't matter where you died, it just mattered where you were going. I know that you went home to be with Granny.
If I could have one more day with you, I'd tell you that I love you and I miss you. I haven't stopped missing you, and your passing hasn't gotten any easier on any of us. God gave you 91 wonderful years on this earth. Despite your age, it still felt like you were taken from us too soon.
