I am a lot of things. I am a Christian. I am 18. I am a girl. I am an introvert..but also an extrovert. I am a singer. I am a worship leader. I am a songwriter. I am a taco fanatic. I am an ice cream lover. I am a Michigander. I am a child of God. I am a lot of things, but I am NOT perfect.

Growing up, I was known as that girl, the one who always smiled. The happy girl. The one that had it all together. I even got the nickname “smiley”. To many people, this would seem like a very positive thing to be known as. And if you’re thinking that, you would be right. It’s not bad to be known for being happy. However, this title is also extremely suffocating. Once you are known as the happy girl, you have to be sure to never let someone catch you without a fake smile plastered on your face. Overtime, the title of the “happy girl” became the chains that held me back from being who I truly am.

In all honesty, who I am, is NOT perfect. Far from it. And the pressure and expectation of others for me to be perfect is a burden. The phrase “you’re always smiling” is one of my least favorites because I don’t want to always smile. I want to be someone who knows how to express every emotion. My life has been hard. All of our lives have been hard. I’ve experienced darkness that I hope I never have to return to. I’ve been hurt by others words and their actions. I know it’s easy to see a smile on someone’s face and assume things about them.

I think maybe when you first see me, you’d think, I must be a girl who doesn’t have a care in the world. Perfect family. Perfect house. Perfect life. Right? Wrong. My mom works her tail off to make enough money to put my siblings and I through college. I worry about my mom every day, because I don’t want her to be lonely back home while my siblings and I are at college. My parents got divorced when I was 7. My family has many broken relationships. I struggle with the basic understanding of what family really is. My childhood is not something I reminisce about, but something I try to forget. I don’t say all of this because I’m searching for anyone’s pity. In fact, please don’t pity me. But one thing I would ask is that you think before saying, “you’re just so perfect” or “she has it all together” or any phrase like that. I know you may say it as a compliment, but it’s just a burden. Instead, get to know people. Listen to their stories. Figure out who they REALLY are. More often than not, you’ll discover your stories intersect somewhere. You’ve found common ground and now we can all be broken, imperfect people together.