I Still Love You...

We all make mistakes in life, that is what makes us human.

Relationships are hard, especially when they end. I had been in a relationship that lasted almost 2 years when it came to an end. We were so happy together and spent every free second with each other. We did everything together and our families both loved seeing us happy with each other.

I guess good things will always come to an end.

That was over 2 years ago when I had cut all ties with the love of my life. At least I tried to. If you had been with someone you truly love and then you weren't, getting over them is the hardest thing ever. I had managed to become a better me in the last 2 years while I was by myself.

Then I really screwed up.

I knew he was working at the same restaurant he had been working at while we were together, I went with my friend so I could see him once again. I didn't expect him to say anything to me, but at the end of our meal, he had given a note to our server to give to me. Reading what he wrote on the note made me decide to finally reach out to him.

Boy did that make my life an emotional roller coaster yet again.

I knew he was in a relationship because of his social media, but I thought it would still be nice being friends with him: but man was I wrong. I do enjoy and love talking to him every day, however, there are moments where I eventually remember that I can never be with him.

He is in love with someone else…

I eventually decided to tell him all my thoughts and feelings about him…through a letter. I told him everything I felt. It basically said that I have been and still am in love with him and could never get over him, but I did not know whether I could be friends with him while he is in a relationship.

It is too hard.

Knowing he is in love with another girl, breaks my heart. After I told him everything, he told me he was confused and now he doesn't know what he wants since he says he still does love me. I believe that and I still talk to him every day, but I am trying to not show how much it is bothering me. I am failing miserably at that. I know I shouldn't keep talking to him because even if he does decide he wants to give us another try, there could be a day where he regrets it because his feelings for the other girl are stronger than he thought.

I can't lose him…but I may have to.

I am trying to decide what I want to do now. Do I want to wait and see what he says? Or, should I just give up and not constantly battle with myself on thinking about each outcome: both the positive and the negative?

Why did I do this to myself?

My advice to anyone who is also dealing with losing their greatest love: do not reach out to them unless you are 100% positive that it is what you want. I thought I did, but now I don't know if I want this because he is in a loving relationship and I don't know if I will ever truly get him back.