I have been doing a lot of reflection the past few days. Self reflection I should say. I look back at where I was last year at this time and I am amazed at where I am now. I have done so much growing and progression, that I am thanking myself for doing it.

This time last year, I was so sad and unhappy, I did not love myself. I broke up with my boyfriend at the time and I was a mess. I felt I was not worthy to be someone's girlfriend and I would question myself, what did I do wrong? What could I have done to prevent certain things from happening in the relationship. I blamed myself for the bad things that happened in the relationship, even though he was also at fault when it came to the fighting. I was so infatuated with him to realize how screwed up my thinking was. I was not all here mentally, I woke up everyday not excited to go to classes, I was me, but I wasn't.

I took my break up really hard. I thought I loved him and I wanted do anything to get back together with him. I cried myself to sleep every other night, I just wanted the pain to go away. My friends told me he was bad for me and I should not be crying over someone who really never cared for me, telling me my relationship was toxic. We fought all the time and I felt I could not fully be myself with him, but I stayed with him because I thought I loved him. I stayed until I could not take the pain anymore and broke it off with him.

It was about two months after my breakup when I finally woke up. I realized, I deserved so much better. I should not be pinning for a boy who does not want me, a boy who does not know what he wants in life. I re-read through the conversations him and I had and I realized I should not be sorry for something that will never be fixed, for something that is toxic for not only my mental health, but for me as a person. So, I told and promised myself I would do better to find a way in my heart to love myself and I did. I focused on myself and started to look at what I really wanted from life. I started to work out, eat better, and I really self evaluated my life. It was not easy, there were so many breakdowns and classes were tough, but I pushed through it.

I started to see the happy things in life, I smiled more, laughed more and really truly started to love myself. I started to love the woman who starred back at me in the mirror. I am proud of the woman I have become. I have overcame so many things in my life, but this time in my life was a real breaking point. I finished classes and I was able to fly out to my mom's for a couple of weeks and was able to spend my birthday with her and my family in Vegas. I then came home, went to work until it was time to move back to Missouri State.

I then looked at myself and wanted to give dating another chance. I am not the woman I was last year and I have changed so much. It had been about eight months since my breakup and I realized I am a changed woman and gave dating another chance and I am so glad I did. I met a man who makes me so happy, who loves and treats me the way a woman is supposed to be treated, not to mention, my family absolutely adores him so that was a double plus. He makes me so happy and I love this man. I love myself and I love the woman I have become. I know I still have some growing to do and I am okay with that. I realized sometimes you have to go through the bad parts in life to get to the good ones and all I can do now is hope for the best, be happy and to love myself.