To The Humans On Easter, From Cat

To The Humans On Easter, From Cat

I do not like the orange crunchy sticks you put out, please cease the production of these.
72
views

Dear Humans,

During this time of human year when it is less cold outside you place the most wonderful baskets all around with magnificent contents, I approve of this practice.

I enjoy tipping these baskets over and scattering the stringy things about the house so you find them years later behind the couch, deeply embedded in the carpet fibers.

You also introduce these roll-around toys. Some you place in the baskets and some randomly about, I derive great happiness from this. You should always hide things for me to find and destroy.

Some roll-arounds break and some don’t. The physics of which I do not altogether care to discern. Others have smaller objects inside them, none of which taste good, but will disperse them around my domain as I please.

Once again, here is a list of my grievances:

Since you clearly did not understand me the last time, the small humans are still VERY MUCH not allowed in my domain, which is everywhere, even places I don’t know about.

When in doubt, assume that where you are is included in my domain.

All meat and other food items are in my domain, therefore they are mine. This means that it is unwarranted to manhandle me and remove me from the counter or table when I am about to feast on the probably subpar feast you have laid out for me.

Also, I do not know what the skinny spiked metal things are for, I see that you need them as some kind of transport for sustenance to reach your mouth. You should know, as a higher evolved being, I do not need the assistance of such tools for simple tasks, so please stop placing those on the table.

I do not like the orange crunchy sticks you put out, please cease the production of these.

In addition, this time of human year I enjoy leaving my indoor domain to investigate my outdoor domain once again. I expect to return to a full water bowl and food dish accordingly.

And although I have the whole out-of-doors to relieve myself, your couch or any of the plants you brought inside from outside, are superior places for me to urinate, and therefore, I will continue to do so as I please.

Also, for the zillionth time, when I place a small dead animal carcass at your doorstep you must immediately stop everything and worship it. Throwing it away is unacceptable and WILL NOT be tolerated.

That is a gift. That is me showing generous appreciation for the small contribution you seem to think you add to my many lives. You're welcome for that.

That is all for now, expect more later.

Sincerely,

Cat


Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

Popular Right Now

Why It Is Scientifically Proven That Golden Doodles Are The Best Kind Of Dogs

No matter what color you have, they are awesome.
5173
views

Let me first say that golden-doodles are golden retrievers and a poodle mix. It's a big difference from other doodles. This is a new, popular kind of dog, that is known worldwide. It has been proven (not really but let's say it is) that they are the best dogs ever, in every color. Here are some reasons why:

1. They are great with kids!

2. Especially sick kids or kids with disabilities!

3. They enjoy the party life!

4. They love every kind of weather!

5. They can help you pass the hardest levels on Candy Crush.

6. They think they are humans.

Or just big babies.

7. They have the best manners!

8. They give the best hugs!

9. They make great therapy dogs! (Plus they are hypoallergenic)

10. They make everything a treasure!

11. They make the best snuggle buddies.

12. They make you laugh on your worse days.


* Basically all these pictures*

13. They are superstars!!

14. They make great study buddies! (Very important for college students or middle/high school students)

15. But most importantly, they are the cutest.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

I Never Thought I'd Be A Cat Person Yet Here We Are

Pepino came along and everything changed...

12
views

It all started about a year ago, my great grandma became sick and was unable to stay in her apartment at the assisted living facility. She had to leave her cat behind. My sister stepped up and would go to her apartment every day to feed and pet the cat. After 3 days of being with Pepino, she came home an emotional wreck and told my parents that we absolutely had to take the cat in.

My dad is NOT a cat person at all and was very skeptical of this idea seeing as though we already had a dog. After a week of begging, it was decided the cat would come live with us "temporarily". He was very shy at first and didn't leave the small room that was once used as our playroom. As weeks passed he would venture out into other rooms downstairs and became more social with the family.

Now, I have failed to mention that when we were given this cat, he was 22 pounds. My Nanny had dementia and would forget she fed him, so he ate a lot of cat food... and bacon. He has since been put on a diet and has lost weight. He now roams the house like the king he thinks he is. He loves my sister the most out of all of us and when she moves out, he will be going to live with her.

Pepino has quite the personality, which I didn't think was possible for a cat. My great grandma used to tell us that he was a special cat, that she had never experienced a cat with this much attitude and character. We never really understood what she was talking about, but now we all get it. He always wants food, he knows 10 p.m. is treat time, he knows my sister's morning routine, and he will have full on conversations with people. I have a video of Emily cooking soup. Pepino is meowing like crazy and she just keeps telling him that cats can't eat soup.

If Emily is late for 10 p.m. treats, he will walk up to her, meow, and paw at her until she gets up to get the box of treats. Pepino also thinks he can eat the dog's food, which has become quite a problem and now they both need to be monitored during their dinner time. If you know my family at all, you know that we all have a ton of nicknames, Pepino is no exception to this rule! Within weeks of living with us, he had developed a list of nicknames, the most popular being Pino and Ween (which stems from Pino Weeno).

This cat has come to mean the world to me. When we lost my great grandma a few months ago, Pepino was a great source of comfort for me. I spent a lot of time hugging him and even crying near him. It was nice to still have a piece of her heart with us... even if it was in the form of a cat. Being at college I find myself missing the cutie, especially when I went to a cat cafe close to campus. Receiving pictures of him sleeping on all the pillows or standing in the window sill reminds me of how excited I am to see him in just one short week. I never thought a cat would make such an impact on my life, but Pepino snuck his way into my heart and he is here to stay.

Related Content

Facebook Comments