As a 21-year-old woman in recovery for bulimia nervosa, I know firsthand how difficult it can be to practice the art of self-love. We are always told "we can't love anyone until we love ourselves," and "we have to be good to ourselves to be any good to others." We all want to love ourselves, but it's hard to figure out where to start. It is difficult for most of us to embrace ourselves exactly the way we are, especially in a world of comparison and jealousy, but it is possible.
So here are just a few ways you can get a little closer to truly loving the you that you are.
Keep positive affirmations.
I have a bulletin board in my room that holds notes that sorority sisters have written me.I read those notes every day. Seeing that my sisters think that I am beautiful, inspiring and talented everyday helps me to start to see those things in myself too. Write positive notes on your mirror, get a planner with daily inspirational quotes, surround yourself with something positive you can reference every day.
Be vulnerable.
You are not the only person who has insecurities. Everyone is insecure about something. I have found so much peace in sharing my insecurities with others and learning i'm not alone. When you open up about your issues, people around you feel they can do the same, and you can all begin to create positive change in each other.
Follow your passions.
I love to write, and I know i'm pretty decent at it. Writing articles every week and seeing people share them and offer feedback reinforces my confidence in my talent. It reminds me that I have something to offer the world, and people care what I have to say. Find what you offer the world, then go out and pursue it. Your confidence will increase so much just by doing what you love.
Surround yourself with positive people.
If your friends constantly talk about how much they suck, maybe it's time to get new friends. Negativity fuels more negativity. If your friends' views on themselves are starting to cloud your own judgment, find people who are more comfortable with themselves. Chances are their attitude will rub off on you.
Re-frame negative thoughts.
In eating disorder recovery, I've had to learn to rephrase my negative self-talk. Instead of calling myself fat after a large meal, I now say "I ate more than what I wanted," or "I feel a little bloated." This line of thinking has helped me tremendously with my body image. We have to stop being so hard on ourselves. When you fail a test, instead of saying "I'm an idiot," try saying "I didn't study like I should have." Instead of saying "I look ugly without makeup," say "I feel more comfortable with makeup on." These are very small changes in your own thoughts that will actually make a big difference in how you view yourself.
Remember you are more than your looks.
It is easy for us to compare ourselves to people around us. I've had to work hard to stop comparing my body and looks to those of other women, and it isn't easy. I still work on it every day. But I try to remember that there is so much more to me than just a face and a body. I have hobbies and opinions and talents and skills that are 100 percent unique to me. And so do you. Think about how your friends and family would describe you. They wouldn't start with your looks, they'd start with your personality and the joy you bring them. That's how you should describe yourself too.
If all else fails, don't be afraid to seek help.
I wouldn't be where I am in recovery today without counseling, medication, and a great support system. So when you feel like you can't do it alone, remember it is never too late to get help. Talk to a friend, go to a school counselor, talk to your doctor. There are so many resources out there. When you feel like you can't possibly love yourself, remember that anything is possible with a little help.
