Dear semi-OK potential sister-in-law,
SO. I hear you want to become romantically involved with my dear old brother. First off, thanks for showing a general interest in him. I really never thought I would see the day when a semi-sorta-maybe good looking female like yourself would show any kind of interest in a guy who most of the time isn’t wearing pants. Although, my mother and I are pretty involved in his life, so bringing another girl into the club will be a little tough seeing as though you can't live with him. Don’t fret though my dear, it is possible to date my brother, you just have to win my love first.
1. Woo me
Do you have any kind of special, secret, exciting, extra terrestrial type talent that will knock my socks halfway across the room? If so, prove it. I love girls who are really outgoing and are not afraid to show me who they really are. If you can be comfortable around your possible future boyfriend, you should be able to be comfortable around his sister as well. I mean come on, we're going to become family now, aren’t we?
2. Dress appropriately
I don’t want to see your “apple bottom jeans” or “boots with the fur.” I want to see church dresses and Mary Jane's on your little self. My brother is a very respectable man and he deserves a girl who will dress like she would act. Now, you must have some style. I don’t want to see you mixing colors like brown on black or have chipped nail polish (no black). You can change your hair color, but to a natural looking color. You can tan, that’s fine--I mean my brother has pretty amazing fair skin so if you are planning on putting a double shot mocha Frappuccino next to a tall glass of milk, don’t.
3. Watch what you post
I stalk hard, girlfriend. The minute your name is said I'll go to Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook to find out what type of person you are. Creepy? Maybe...I mean we all have done it, so don’t lie to yourself. If I see you holding a mysterious looking cup or posting a selfie with a boy less than 10 weeks ago, we need to have a serious talk about your intentions with my brother. If you have more followers than me, I'll really be jealous but won't tell you or show it.
4. How’s the fam?
I'm sure your family is lovely, parents are doing well, siblings have good grades but I have to know. What does your dad do, do you even have siblings? This isn’t a very important factor because it's you who will be dating my brother, but if you have a brother who will be mean to my brother, oh make sure you warn him about his sister. Plus, if you happen to have a sibling who is in the same age group as me, I would love to be friends. It’s great having inside sources.
5. Education
Is school going ok for you? What do you want to do with your life? GPA? You are more than your GPA don’t get me wrong but brother is very smart and he studies very hard, Im sure he would love to have a study buddy and you could apply for that job if you land his love (and mine). Are you planning on going to college? If you aren’t, that is fine. Just, you know, do something with your life because my brother is not going to be giving you money if you are lazy. Also, if you happen to be in a different grade, I don’t mind that as much but if you are more than 3 years older than him, don’t.
6. Be his cheerleader
My brother is very sporty. He loves every sport imaginable and he supports all causes and loves attending games. This is a very simple one: if you don’t like the sports he’s playing and don’t attend his games with his number on your cheek or a sign with his name on it, don’t try. If you can’t accept the fact that he’s good at the sport of his choice and could possibly want a career out of it, don’t try. You don’t HAVE to like sports, just enjoy his love for his sport.
7. PDA
After all this, if you pass all my tests, I'll bestow on you the best prize imaginable: my consideration. My brother is my best friend and his happiness is my happiness. Being the girlfriend to my brother is the most important job in my eyes and is something I don’t take lightly. I'm sure you’ll do fine, you just have my mother to win over next!
Sincerely,
His loving, beautiful, amazing, all around gracious and accepting sister.
