For most people, a buffet style spread with a big turkey, gravy, endless sides and more desserts than can reach the eye sounds like heaven, but for someone with or recovering from an eating disorder, it is the complete opposite.

What should I even put on my plate? There's so much to choose from, and it's all too much.

Everyone is going to notice how little/much is on my plate.

I know that whatever I eat, I'm going to get a comment from someone. I can't win.

Whether it is a potluck "Friendsgiving" meal, Thanksgiving dinner with your family, or one of the eight million Christmas parties of the season, it seems like there is no end to events revolving around food. For someone with or recovering from an eating disorder, this provokes a lot of anxiety.

Society has a stereotypical image of what eating disorders look like: a privileged, white female pushing around a few pieces of lettuce on her plate. The truth of the matter is that eating disorders do not discriminate, regardless of socioeconomic status, race, gender, sexual orientation or size. So while you may think that so-and-so from class or even one of your friends is "fine," chances are, they could be one of the many who suffers in silence. Chances are, you know someone who suffers from disordered eating or an eating disorder.

Approximately 91 percent of women surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight by dieting, and 22 percent of that group reported dieting "often" or always. Consequently, 35 percent of normal dieters progress to "pathological dieting," and of those, 20-25 percent progress to partial or full blown eating disorders. Around 25 percent of college-aged women engage in binge-eating and purging behaviors to control their weight. A common myth is that eating disorders are a "women's problem," but research suggests otherwise. A study of 2,822 students on a large college campus found that 3.6 percent of males screened positive for having an eating disorder, with a 3-1 ratio for females to males with eating disorders. Research has found that those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) are specifically at a higher risk for developing eating disorders, including anorexia and bulimia.

Statistics aside, eating disorders have names and faces. They could be your best friend, someone from back home, someone from class, a new friend or your significant other. Eating disorders are highly stigmatized in our society, so your friend with an eating disorder might not speak out about what they are experiencing and how they feel. So, from me to you, someone who has been through hell and back, and suffered through many Thanksgivings and holiday events, I can share some pointers on what to say and what not to say to your friend who is struggling with an eating disorder.

1. Don't say anything about what they put on their plate.

Just don't do it. You could be attempting to make small-talk, but they'll analyze every small comment you make. (Is that all you're going to eat? Are you sure you don't want more? Do you want to try this?)

2. Do not mention the "C" word (calories).

If you are even thinking about mentioning how many calories are in that piece of pie and groaning about how you're going to start a diet tomorrow, don't. Someone with an eating disorder already obsesses over calories, and someone recovering from one is doing everything in their power to not talk or think about calories, so please spare potentially triggering someone, and refrain from calorie talk.

3. Keep it to yourself. Don't make comments about your plate or anyone else's.

I have realized that most of the people who have ever made a comment about what's on my plate are probably just concerned about what they are eating themselves, and worried about how they are being perceived. Let's try to stop being so critical of ourselves and others. Mentioning how much or little someone else has on their plate does not change how you look, feel or what you're about to eat.

4. Focus on enjoying time together and having fun -- food does not have to be the focus.

One of the best parts about meals -- often overlooked by those struggling with an eating disorder -- is the chance for community and fellowship. Focus on enjoying your time together. Tell a funny story. Linger over dessert. Food is just an accessory to the event, and it does not have to be the focus. Help your friend try to relax and have fun.

5. Remind them that they are strong.

So the dinner doesn't go as planned. Your friend texts you that a relative made a simple comment about their food, or that someone asked them why they weren't eating much. Remind your friend that they are strong as hell. That one dinner gone awry, or that rude comment aimed at them, doesn't define who they are as a person or take away from any of the progress they have made. Remind your friend that their worth cannot be found in anything on their plate.

Dear Reader,

I hope you take this information to heart. I hope that you aim to be sensitive this holiday season, and that you are considerate of those who may be struggling. As for me, I've spent too many Thanksgivings focused on the (lack of) food on my plate, when I should have been enjoying the sweet family time. I've wasted too many friend dinners worrying about the wasted money on food I didn't end up eating. This is for you, sweet stranger, who may be struggling with the same things I once did. I hope you know that your worth is found in so much more than what you did or didn't eat at that dinner, and that you are strong enough to overcome what life has thrown your way. This Thanksgiving, I'm a little extra thankful for that buffet of food that I now can enjoy, after many years of dread. If you need me, you can find me eating an extra piece of chocolate pie, opinions be damned. I am strong and so are you.