How To Know

How To Know

Sometimes it's hard to know what you're feeling when it comes to relationships, these tips might help

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Let's be honest. Most of us swiping left and right on Tinder aren't looking to find our soulmate.

When you're on an app determining who stays and goes based on their appearance, it's hard to argue that you're giving someone the opportunity to get to know you for more than what you have underneath your t-shirt and jeans.

Not to say some aren't there to find a genuine connection or friendship. From its reputation though, it's not the most common end game.

Let's say you're swiping leads you to someone though. You find them attractive and next thing you know you're meeting up and you're naked. Am I judging? Of course not, I wouldn't have any room to anyway.

You leave their place feeling satisfied (hopefully), without any real expectation of anything coming from this brief late night encounter. Next thing you know, you find yourself at their place again and this becomes a routine.

Late nights meeting up and exploring each other, maybe "watching" a movie before.

Then you find yourselves talking one night. What about? It could be anything really. How many pets you had growing up, what your favorite color or food is.

Whatever it is, you're learning something more than just what makes them moan.

This might lead to you wanting to know more about them and next thing you know, you've caught feelings.

This limbo of friends with benefits can last for weeks, if not months and it may be hard to know how any of this makes you feel.

When you go beyond just having sex, but actively invest the time in getting to know each other, it complicates things for better or worse.

Having sex be the first thing you do in a relationship with any new stranger you meet can make it hard to figure out what feelings are there, but if you find yourself catching feelings and you're having a hard time discerning if the other person is feeling a similar way, there are some signs you can look for to help.

If you or the other person do these things, you might have caught feelings...

  1. When you care what they think
    1. If you're having sex with someone and leave without any worry of what they might be thinking about you once that door closes, then you just might be having a thriving no strings attached sex life. But if you're leaving wondering what they're thinking about, what just went down and the talk you two had before or after, you might be a little more invested than you think.
  2. When you find yourself feeling jealous
    1. Jealousy is a dangerous feeling that we all feel at some point, it's inevitable. If you find yourself jealous when you see him with another girl on his Snapchat story or if you bring up a date you have with this guy Thursday and he falls silent, he might be feeling a little jealous. In both situations it's not a healthy response and maybe you even recognize that. You shouldn't get jealous or upset about him spending time with other girls if you guys are only friends with benefits. This is a possessive jealousy that is reserved for girlfriends or boyfriends, yet here you are. This might be a sign that you care a little more then you let on.
  3. When you find yourself getting excited to talk to them and the physical aspect is on the back burner
    1. If you find yourself wanting to tell them about something interesting that happened to you, you want to know how their day was and you find yourself content just cuddling and talking rather then just getting there and doing it, you might have caught some feels. When the physical aspect isn't the first thing you're worried about bringing you pleasure but find yourself content and satisfied with a conversation (and maybe sex after), this could be a sign.

These signs are based off my opinion and own personal experience, but they just might hold some truth to them.

Whatever the situation, if you find yourself feeling conflicted and not knowing where you stand and that bothers you, talk about it with that person. It's important not to put your feelings on the back burner.

Whatever you're feeling is justified and deserves the time and attention to be discussed.

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13 Movies Every Couple Needs To Watch Before They Get Married

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories.

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These 13 movies are the foundation of any long-lasting relationship, and I'm not joking. Each movie will show you something new about your partner, and make you ask each other the hard questions. How many kids do you want and how are you going to raise them? What would happen if you got into a horrible accident? Some are less serious though, like what if you could time travel?

I promise that not every one of these movies is a Nicholas Sparks classic, and I also promise that not every movie has Rachel McAdams in it!

1. "The Time Traveler's Wife"

This movie is both heartbreaking and amazing.

2. "About Time"

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories. It's on Netflix right now, so grab some snacks and turn it on!

3. "Like Crazy"

This infamous Tumblr gif came from "Like Crazy." It's about a couple who goes long distance and build their life together. I used to cry every time I watched it, and I'm no crier! It also has the (now famous) Felicity Jones in it.

4. "The Notebook"

Every girl wants this kind of love.

5. "The Last Song"

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are literally married now so if that isn't good luck, I don't know what is.

6. "Safe Haven"

You guessed it! This is another Nicholas Sparks classic. This movie has a dark twist as well, which men will love.

7. "Inside Out"

You may be thinking that this one is a bit weird. Well, this movie will help both you and your partner understand each other's emotions better.

8. "The Choice"

This movie is great because the female lead is feisty and extremely intelligent, which usually doesn't happen in love stories. How do you keep the love alive with a woman who is hard to get, and even harder to keep entertained?

9. "The Longest Ride"

Originally I could not stand the main female lead (Britt Robertson) but now she is in one of my favorite shows (For The People), so I have no choice. This movie had me on the end of my seat, and as a rom-com it is a must.

10. "The Age Of Adaline"

I began loving the name 'Adaline' thanks to this movie. This unlikely love story and self love journey really gets me.

11. "The Vow"

Imagine falling in love with someone and building a life, but an accident forces you to start all over?

12. "Titanic"

If they don't have any sort of reaction to this movie, they are probably not the one for you.

13. "Yours, Mine, & Ours"

Yours, Mine, & Ours is a true classic. Are you Helen or Frank Beardsley? You should figure that out before you tie the knot!

You're welcome!

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Being A Military Wife Is Not The Same As Serving In Active Duty

It's about balance, and it's hard to find a happy medium between serving and supporting your spouse.

yahairas
yahairas
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I enlisted into the United States Air Force as a fresh-faced 18-year-old. I had just graduated high school and never experienced life on my own, away from what I knew and my loved ones and friends. The military was my first legitimate job. Thankfully, I knew independence since I had parents that ensured I knew how to handle myself. That does not mean I joined knowing everything there was to know. Far from it, actually, but that's OK.

My first and only duty station was Malmstrom Air Force Base. Before you think that Malmstrom is some exotic and foreign land, it's definitely not. My first base was in Montana. A very cold and unpredictable climate where you could experience beautiful summer sunshine one day and the next, find yourself running back up to your room to escape from the unexpected blizzard.

I was stationed in Montana as a security forces member (military police) for six very long years. During this time, I met some wonderful people as well as some people I know I would not mind never seeing again. I did a lot of my growing up at this location.

There were hard lessons that needed to be learned and experiences that I had to have in order to know what and what not to do in the future. Security forces is not the easiest or best job in the military. There are more challenges as a security forces member than most careers in the Air Force. There is the very likely chance of deployment into hostile locations where the member will face life and death challenges and have to make quick and ugly decisions and the schedule and duties are not ideal.

However, the good often outweighs the bad. The rewards for surpassing these challenges that seemed insurmountable at the time are some of the best in the world. I can say that the life lessons during my time in the service, no matter how uncomfortable it was at the time, is an experience of a lifetime. These challenges are unknown to the military spouse.

Pexels

Not long after separating from the military, I got married. We met while I was still in the military. My husband is still active duty in the Air Force, turning me into a military wife and dependent. It was a different role to take, knowing how many people in the military viewed military spouses. I found myself in a different bracket or tier than a lot of people. I was a military wife that was prior military. I understand the challenges my husband still undergoes in his enlistment because I knew the military life at one point. I did not have to be introduced into the military and the way it works blindly.

Throughout my enlistment, there were stories and jokes regarding military spouses, with emphasis on the military wife. Even now that I am no longer in the service, I still see memes on social media where military wives serve as a running joke. The jokes involving weight, attractiveness, infidelity or wives wearing the rank of their military spouse while attempting to utilize what power that rank may hold. Due to the stories I heard while I was in, I had a pre-conceived idea of what to expect as a military spouse. Some of the stories and jokes came from a center of truth. However, the stigma for a military wife would follow any and all military wives no matter the validity or lack thereof.

Photo of Yahaira Seawright at her Airman Leadership school graduation Yahaira Seawright

When I became a military wife, I wanted to make sure I did not fall under that stereotype. Becoming the dependent gave me something else to consider. It gave me the unheard side of those military spouses. There are so many challenges that we also face while being married to the military.

For example, we pick up and go at a moment's notice and often leave our careers behind if our spouses get moved. This makes it really hard to make friends and connections with other people. Plus, there's the reality that our spouses could lose their lives serving for our country.

A lot of the time, we become a single parent when our spouses are deployed. If we do go with, finding employment is really competitive and hard to do at all. It's hard on both of us because neither party will ever truly understand why things are done a certain way. Some things just aren't fair and that's a hard reality to deal with.

So, yes, the service of the military member is the military member's service, not ours. That fact does not mean we do not have our own sacrifices we made when we decided to marry into the military family.

The experience of the military member and the military spouse are two different sides, but they're both equally important.

yahairas
yahairas

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