How to Keep Pushing Forward

How to Keep Pushing Forward

This break up does not define you.
164
views

At a point in time, everyone hits that wall where they just aren't sure how to move on. For me, that wall was a break up with my boyfriend of two years.

I will admit, ever since college, this relationship was a rocky road. He is at a military academy and I am at a normal four year college. This led to him being gone the whole summer before college, with no form of communication. Still, we were happy as could be, writing letters back and forth often. When he came home two days before I left for school, it was truly one of the happiest days of my life. I left for college two days later and started the next chapter.

I do not think we knew what was in store. Lots of frustrations followed suit, for I was trying to make friends but was having to constantly be on my phone to get one message from him that night. It is hard because he is in the military and feels deprived of a college experience. Which totally makes sense. But, somewhere down the line, everything started to feel less happy. I was getting ridiculed and put down and yelled at all the time.

This broke me.

I would stay up, long past any of my friends being awake and just wonder if I could rewind and go back to all the good days.

I didn't get that redo.

Then, when he broke it off for good, one of my best friends told me that this is what I needed. They said this has been consuming me all year and that I need to move on.

That seems impossible to do.

However, I am here to tell you that things will get better. Not overnight. But when you are no longer dating someone, it becomes about you. I realized I need to make decisions that are best for me. I cannot let my college experience of forming my best friends be tainted by someone else. I have seen that with multiple people in college, letting their significant other dictate what they can and cannot do, almost like a puppeteer pulling all of their strings.

So, when you are no longer in that relationship, do not fret. I know it's terrifying. But use this time to grow. Go to the gym today. Reach out to an old friend. Make some cookies for your friends. Get ahead on your homework. The best way to distract yourself is to dive into your work and life. Enjoy moments with friends. Then, I promise you, one day, you are going to realize that it does not hurt as bad. And each day after that, it will hurt a little less. Have faith in the concept of time and stay occupied.

Trust me when I say that this is not the end of your story. You have so many more blank pages to fill. You are worth it. You deserve the utmost happiness. Live freely and live for you.

It will all be okay.

Just Breathe.

Cover Image Credit: Odyssey

Popular Right Now

To The Sweet Girl With A Broken Heart

Words of wisdom for every girl...

3223
views

To the sweet girl with a broken heart,

Do you feel like you're stuck in this hole, six feet under, with absolutely no way to get out? You are not alone, and I promise you there is a ladder just waiting for you to climb it. I know your heart feels like it's been shot, and your gut feels like it's been punched one hundred times.

This feeling is just temporary, and I can tell you that because I've experienced it first hand. I know you feel alone, and like you're the only person who has ever felt this much heartache. I can promise you that you are never alone, and there are so many girls that can relate to you in ways you never thought possible. Don't let one guy dictate your way of life. Don't let one guy dull your sparkle.

Don't let one guy change your heart, or your remarkable personality. Sounds really silly when you read it back doesn't it? All of this hurt, tears, and confusion over one guy! Don't get me wrong, I know that this one guy was your world, you truly thought he was going to be in your life forever.

Up until this point, you didn't see a life without him in it. Girlfriend, look at yourself in the mirror. You are doing this whole breakup thing all on your own, and you're doing a great job at it. You picked up the pieces, and are carrying on all by yourself. You have been through the most extreme roller coaster of emotions, and you road it solo.

That says something, something really special. That says that you are stronger than you ever thought you were. Realize that! This is God's plan for you, to show you just how amazing you are. That you can conquer all things, and handle them in the most graceful way possible.

You are special. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are you! And that's one hell of a thing to be because you are the only you on this planet!

Lift your chin up, hold your head high, and show the world exactly who you are. Never change for anybody. Ever! Heck, get back to that girl you were before him. Strong, independent, confident, selfish. I know the word selfish seems so, well, selfish. But It's okay to be selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to defending your own heart.

Take that vacation, dress up just because, do your makeup and take selfies just because you want to, go to the gym, get that tan, go to that party, spend time with your greatest friends, hug your mom!

Do all of these things carelessly, do them because you deserve it, and because you can! And at first you may be doing them as a distraction from all that you've been through, but soon enough you'll find that you're doing them not because you need to, but because you want to!

Simply because this really is the new and improved you. Learn from this pain. Learn to love yourself again without him, without constantly feeling like you need to be reminded by him that you are loved. Instead, love yourself and I assure you when other people see that, they'll love you even more.

Girls, when we love someone, we love deeply, we love wholeheartedly, and that person never has to question our love for them. You deserve that same exact love in return. There are plenty of other guys out there just waiting to take care of your heart, and love you unconditionally. You deserve nothing but that!

Do not stop until you find that guy. You can change the world just by being a kind hearted human being. Don't get revenge, don't force yourself to move on as quickly as he did, don't torture yourself with remembering "the old him," and definitely don't change. I know it's hard to see him changing in the worst way, to the point where you don't even recognize him anymore. To the point where he feels like a complete stranger to you.

Do not stoop to his level. Trust me, one day, he will look back on his life and probably regret losing you. Of course, I know all you're wishing is that he'd be able to see that right now, but that just isn't God's plan. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve, and hurt, and be upset.

Those are all good things.

That is what is going to allow you to heal, and move on to become a better, stronger, happier, and more mature you! I promise you, that a year from now all that you're stressing about will not mean a thing. This is our one and only chance at life, we can not let one person take away all the happiness that we deserve.

The right guy will never leave, even when times get tough he will always fight for you. I saw something on twitter that said, "take sex away and you'll come to realize that not many individuals have much to offer. This generation is so pressed for the physicality that ya'll forget mentality creates the bond and forms longevity."

That hit extremely close to home for me and is something that everyone needs to remember.

Fall in love with somebody's heart, mind, and soul. Go beyond their looks, go beyond the attraction, dig deeper. Don't be that shallow girl, who doesn't know how to love the right way. You are so much better than that. To every single broken hearted girl, I am so proud of you! I am always here for you, you have so much love and support. I've realized that myself. As I write this, I feel relief, no longer sad or dwelling on the past. What is coming is always better than what is gone. Now get that beautiful smile back on your face because you are too pretty to be sad.

P.S. To the "other girl" (if there is one).

How dare you take him away from me? You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew my whole heart was on the line. Women need to start respecting other women. Think before you act. Would you want to be in my position? I sure as hell hope not, and now that you have him I hope you're thinking about how you hurt me. And if you're not, then you have a lot to learn about life hunny.

It's kinda weird because I can't hate either of you. Simply because I want nothing but the best for him. It's crazy how someone can break your heart into a million pieces, but you still have such a special place in your shattered heart for them. Besides that, take good care of him. I hope he can learn from you, and love you in all the ways he couldn't love me or any of his other ex's. Every relationship is a lesson, and there is always something to learn. So thank you for teaching me mine.

P.S- To "the guy who did this" Imagine you have a daughter someday, and some boy breaks her heart the way you did mine. I hope you think back to this, and remember me. Maybe by that time, you'll feel sorry.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

5 Life Lessons I Learned From My Broken And Faded Friendships

If someone is not putting the same amount of effort into a relationship as you are, do not waste your time waiting around for them. People who want to be around you and spend time with you will make the effort.

944
views

One of my greatest fears is the people in my life leaving me. Every time it happens, I struggle with moving on and trying to focus on forming new relationships. It has always been hard for me to grasp no longer being friends with someone. If they wanted to be in my life, would they not want to stay in my life? Over the years, however, I have come to terms with the fact that no longer being friends with someone is not always a bad thing or something you can control.

Sometimes it just happens naturally and if you have the effort to keep the relationship going but it still does not work, it is not my fault and it just happens. Here are five lessons I have learned from losing people.

1. Know your worth

I once had a best friend in high school who I was inseparable with. We told each other everything and supported one another. Even after they moved to another state we remained close and I even went to visit them on two occasions. However, our conversations started to become less frequent and this friend started to change. I tried hard to constantly text them and stay in contact but I stopped receiving the same effort. Once in a while, they would send a long apology message and said they would try to be better at contacting me but once I forgave them, the same thing happened again.

It took me a long time before I realized I needed to stop forgiving them and allowing them an opportunity to hurt me. If someone is not putting the same amount of effort into a relationship as you are, do not waste your time waiting around for them. People who want to be around you and spend time with you will make the effort.

2. Sometimes it is out of your control

It can be hard, but you need to accept that it is out of your control. Things happen, people get busy or they change. Although you do not want to come to terms with it, it is not within your control and there was likely nothing you could have done to control it. People grow apart over time, it is natural. Sometimes, even when people are trying to make the effort, other responsibilities come up. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to remain and that is OK.

3. Be grateful for the memories

While it is sad that this person is no longer a part of your life, be grateful for the great memories you did have at one point. The person still contributed to your life at some point and that will never change. The past is the past; while you may not be friends anymore, the good memories can never be taken away. So, cherish and hold onto them.

4. Be excited about the future

It sucks that a friendship is over but it just means there's room for a new one to begin. Maybe you'll meet someone who is meant to stay in your life. There are seven billion in the world, you definitely have not met everyone. Embrace any new relationships that come your way and be open to the idea that it can turn into a meaningful relationship.

5. Don't harbor hate

The worst thing you could do is hate or resent the person because of the end of the relationship. If you are focusing on hating the person, you are not moving on. Harboring resentment just limits your growth. Accepting the relationship ended allows you to begin to move on and find your happiness somewhere else. Everyone deserves happiness, don't rob yourself of that.

Related Content

Facebook Comments