This is it, this is the year. For so long I've held in my tears, for so long I've said everything was okay. I can't hold out any longer. This year all my emotions have come flowing out. Every little thing. I haven't cried so much in so long. It's been years, and finally my emotions are giving way, even about my father as well. Every time I think about him my eyes start to tear up and I get choked up. Especially now that it's right around Father's Day. Usually, the longer the time that passes, the easier it gets to control one’s emotions. However, this year is not that case. It's been the hardest this year and I don't know why. I just want my best friend back. I'm tired of remembering the same horrible last memory of him on his deathbed over and over. I just want to hug him again... but I know I can't.
That's why I'm telling everyone reading this, if you've lost a parent or even a best friend and feel the same way, you need to stand up, rise up, take control of your life, know and understand that they love you. Whoever you've loved and lost, they are watching you. It doesn't matter what religion you believe in. In the end, they still care, they still love you, they want to see you succeed, even if they can't be there for you. You need to keep yourself from falling and use their life as inspiration and motivation. However their life ended, whether it was medical, an accident, or even suicide, they never meant to hurt you. They did not do this to you on purpose. Especially when considering suicide. No matter how much you loved them and they loved you, something inside of them just wasn't well and sadly no amount of love and support could help them when it comes from family and friends alone. Remember that they still loved you and that this is not your fault. Do not blame yourself for something you could not control. All this will do is drag you down and rip you apart. Each and every one of these individuals that have passed on still loves you. They don't want you to fall down and break apart. They want you to keep on living, to keep going, to remember they are right there with you even if you can never talk to them again.
For me and everyone else who knows how it feels, it is as if there is a void in our hearts. This spot that we feel can never be filled. The worst part about it is that we can never communicate with them again. We can message them, call them, write letters, talk to their graves... but we will never get a response. That is the hardest part. That person who was once there on a daily basis to talk with and laugh with is now just an empty space. That person who we went to for everything - our problems, our funny stories, our achievements, just to hang out, to watch a movie with, to go out on the town with, one on one car rides, heart to heart moments - it's all gone. To the individuals on the outside looking in, you have some understanding as to what it feels like. But unless you truly go through it, it is an indescribable feeling. Feeling completely heartbroken, lost, stressed out, and lonely.
However, all of you need to stand up, walk to your mirror or any surface in which you can look at yourself, and tell yourself that this isn't the end. Your life is still moving. There is so much happiness at the end of this dark tunnel. Tell yourself that you love yourself, that you know your friends and extended family are with you. That you will keep going. You don't have to say this out loud, you can say it inside of you. I'm not going to mince words here, it is going to take a long time to even remotely recover from the love that you have lost, but you can get through it. Remember, though, you will have moments where you will think about them and you will break down and cry. Don't hold back the tears, let them flow. You need to. It is very beneficial to let out your emotions. In this moment, talk to the person that you lost, let them know that you love them and miss them and that their life will never be forgotten.
To the friends of individuals like myself, stand with them. Motivate them. Whenever they seem down, even if they seem happy, let them know that they are loved. More than likely they will say that everything is okay, when really it isn't. They just don't want to bother you with what they feel are their own problems. Let them know that their parents and/or best friend love them. Let them know that even if they aren't there, they are still proud of their children/friend. Give them a hug, a big hug. Don't let go. They need it. Words of encouragement and a hug are wonderful. A motivational speech once in awhile helps as well. But make sure to never leave their side. Even if they get annoying by saying or doing certain things over and over, your friend is simply trying to figure and sort out life. With your help, they can go on and lead a happier life. So stay with them, talk to them, love them, motivate them to be their best. They'll thank you in the end. I promise you that. Take it from someone who has been in both sets of shoes. They will be forever grateful and will always be there for you.
If it seems as though you truly cannot help a friend, then get your friend help. Your friend may be so devastated that they cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel no matter how much love they receive. Talk to your doctor, your parents, a teacher, your neighbor, anyone you think will give you sound advice as to the proper next steps to ensure your loved one will be properly taken care of and will finally be able to be happy and love again.
Everyone needs someone who can be there even if you can never fill the void that has been left in their heart. Remember to let them know that you love them. Send them a random message, leave a voicemail telling them how much you love them, write a letter and mail it to them even if they live right down the street. Any small gesture will make them smile.
This Father's Day and all the other parental and friend holidays to come, remember to be thankful for what you have. Oh, you had a massive argument with your parents or best friend and now you'll never speak to them again? Remember that life can vanish so quickly and then you truly won't be able to speak with them ever again. Forgive and forget. Move on. Don't hold a grudge. In the end, they still love you and you still love them.
