Women are very mysterious. I would know. I am one. I know many men who wish that they could understand what women are thinking. Perhaps one day, guys, this sixth sense will come to you. But for now, I bet that you are looking for a copy of "Women for Dummies." Have no fear, for your prayers have been answered. Here is your ultimate guide to decoding what her body language actually means.

1. She continuously bats her eyelashes at you.

There is probably something in her eye. Show her you understand by getting her some eye drops or offering to inspect it for her. If she keeps doing it at you, ask her if she needs to see the doctor and promptly make arrangements to transport her there if she says yes.

2. She rubs your back.

She's really just hoping you'll return the favor and give her a massage afterwards. There is no such thing as a selfless massage. Boys, you know what to do.

3. She crosses her legs while talking to you.

Because this is a comfortable way to sit.

4. She cozies up to you.

She's either cold, needs a pillow, or is trying to make the guy across the room jealous. Don't read into this. Scope out the premises. If there is a solid ten sitting across the club, watch her closely and see if she's making eyes in that general direction. If yes, that definitely explains her sudden interest in being close to you.

5. She kisses your cheek.

There was barbecue sauce there before. Now there isn't. Put the two facts together.

6. She asks you to dinner.

She knows that you will offer to pay for it, and she will once again get to enjoy a free meal. Smart woman.

So next time GQ tells you that these are signs she wants to get with you, consult this manual instead.