Whether it’s the end of a romantic relationship or a friendship, “break-ups” in general are simply hard to deal with and/or accept (which I think we can all agree on.) It’s a natural part of life, and something that we were all given advice about before we even knew what relationships entailed. I remember my parents, friends, and family members always telling me this and that about relationships and friendships, what to do and what to prepare for, hearing stories and holding my friends as they cried about a boyfriend or girlfriend. Regardless of what we are told, and regardless of how many times we are told, one will never truly listen or realize these things until they are experienced.
It is so important to remember that pain is just pain. It is not permanent, it is not forever, and it is not everlasting. This is something worth holding onto, and something I myself have been holding onto. The first day is always the hardest: you wake up, cry, get dressed, cry, eat breakfast, cry, go to class, cry, eat chocolate, cry, and pretty much cry just about every 50 seconds. You wonder what went wrong, you wonder what you could’ve done to change it, and you wonder what the future will entail. “Is there a possibility of getting back together? Does this person still love me? Did I do something wrong?” It is completely natural to wonder these things, and it is completely VALID that you are.
Personally, these were the things that helped me move forward in my life during the craziness. Everyone is different, though: some of these may work for you, some may not. Regardless, I wanted to provide a list of things I've done, or lessons I have learned, to help YOU move forward as well.
So, lo and behold: Dealing With Breakups 101.
1. Cry.
Just let it out girlfriend. Keeping in the sadness and the tears will only build up and keep you from cleansing out the sadness. Your body is reacting to your hurt, and that is okay! Grab a big box of tissues, sit on the couch, grab a Twix bar and just cry. (I bought a pack of tissues from Walmart that had cute animals all over them. Amazing idea.)
2. Eat Chocolate.
And if you would prefer something else, eat that something else. I had been working out and eating healthy the entire week, and what did I do the day after the breakup? Went to the store and got candy, chocolate, ice cream, and whatever else sounded good. Don’t make yourself sick, absolutely pace yourself, but indulge! You deserve comfort food every once in a while! To make me feel better, my friends ate junk with me too. (True friends, I know. It must have been hard for them. Shoutout to Rachel )
3. Go to the gym.
This was probably the hardest thing for me to do, because all I wanted was to curl up in my bed and sleep. What I truly needed to do was get up, get my cute workout clothes on, go to the gym and pound out my emotions. I went hard on the elliptical (not too hard, gotta be safe) but felt SO amazing afterwards. My body felt alive; I was sweating, heart beating fast, and my blood was pumping. It was a glorious reminder that I was okay, and my body was too. Plus, I didn’t feel so guilty for eating MORE ice cream that night. Whoops.
4. Go for a walk.
If you don’t like the gym, go for a walk!Stroll around campus or the neighborhood, look at the sunset, and just breathe in the fresh air. Take a friend, or 7, and be reminded of the world you’re living in.
5. Surround yourself with friends.
Honestly, my friends were one of the #1 reasons I persevered (and they probably should be #1 in this list, but im too lazy to go change it now. Much love, you guys.) If you don’t have to be alone, don’t be. Call up your friends to go get lunch, study at the library, or just to hangout. My friends were so understanding, and always did things with me when they could (and that even included listening to me vent about the same things over and over again.) Your friends and your family will be there to catch you when you fall, and help you get back up again. Hold onto them, and never forget to thank them.
6. Treat yourself.
I will not lie, I murdered my bank account this weekend in retail therapy, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. To me, getting a package in the mail with new clothes, new makeup or new laptop stickers was exactly what I needed. I wanted to get that mail slip in my mailbox, prance right up to the RA desk and make him/her uncomfortable with how excited I was to get my package. I wanted to make myself feel beautiful, remind myself that I am worth the spoil. And, honestly, it was SO worth it. I’m wearing my new lipstick right now, and I feel like Beyoncé. Yasss.
7. Go to class.
I know, I know. Skipping class sounds ideal, but it’s important for you to get up and try your best to make it through. Change your clothes, brush your teeth, wash your face. Bring your tissues, and don’t worry about the judgements. If someone looks at you funny, blow your nose, crumple up that tissue, and throw it at them. (I’m kidding, don’t do that.) If you really can’t handle it, go to the bathroom and cry. Trying is all you can ask of yourself.
8. HAVE FUN.
Going wild after a breakup may seem like the necessary thing to do, but I PROMISE it isn’t. Going out with your friends on Friday night can be the perfect opportunity for you to just have fun with the people who have been helping you along the entire week. Respect yourself, and keep in mind that alcohol will not make the pain go away. Don’t over do anything: just have fun. And this does not have to mean partying; this could mean taking a trip to the mall, going to get your nails done, or going mini golfing. Do something that makes you smile, makes you laugh, and genuinely makes you happy.
9. Move at a good pace.
Keep the pictures in your dorm room up or the picture on your lock screen set until you’re ready to change it. There is no rule book on how soon you should remove the person from your life. It’s hard, and there is no denying that! It is hard to immediately cut off communication with that person, and you don’t need to. But do realize that there is a time to let go, and a time to let yourself, and the other person, move on. Going from talking everyday to not talking at all is extremely difficult, and is completely understandable. Though, do allow yourself to try. You will be surprised at how strong you are.
10. Forgive, but don’t forget.
Whether the breakup involved fault or not, it is so important to forgive yourself, as well as the other person. We are all so young, and there is so much more we could be doing than placing blame and holding grudges. Breaking up doesn’t have to mean you have to hate that person: it can mean you love them enough to set them free. Wish that person the best, even if you are angry at them. Pray for them, their family, and for their future. There is so much relief in forgiving, and there is so much room for restoration. Though this is true, never forget. Never forget the lessons you learned about the relationship and also what you learned about yourself. These realizations will be important for the future, for when you build more relationships, and for when you work on finding yourself.
Though there are so many other things you could do to help yourself in a breakup, these I believe are the essentials. These things are hard, but I promise that things get better. It is okay to have bad days: they will help you appreciate the good days. Take it easy, take it slow, and just breathe. You will make it through.
