All my life I've been stoic, just shut off from the world. I did my best to not have or show emotions. I thought that was easier, that life would be better if I just shut everyone out because then I wouldn't get hurt. I didn't want anyone to really know me, I didn't want to open up to people to have them laugh in my face, I didn't want people to think I was weak. I didn't want to feel weak. I didn't want to feel vulnerable.
So many walls built up over the years that not only did I not want to feel, I couldn't. I couldn't be vulnerable.
When I got to college, things changed. I realized that people actually do care. Not once have I told people my story and them think I'm weak. In fact, they thought I was stronger because of it. Some of my best friends came out of me being vulnerable.
Vulnerability. It's terrifying. Being open and honest with people gives them all the power in the world to hurt you, which, if we're being honest, is a fear everyone has. And I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it's not easy trusting people— giving them a part of yourself that they can do whatever they want with. But I promise you that it is worth it.
Unfortunately, there's no easy, five-step formula I can give you, but I can tell you what's helped me.
1. Realize That You Need To Be Vulnerable
Realizing you need to be vulnerable takes so much inner strength, but it's so hard to realize the need for vulnerability after being behind a wall for so long. For me, I knew it was time when I was constantly complimented on not showing emotions and being heartless. For you, it might be that moment alone in your room when all you can do is cry because that bottle of emotions is overflowing.
2. Find People You Trust
This is the most important thing you can do. Find people to open up to. Find people who make you feel comfortable when you're talking to them, people who you know actually care about you.
3. Talk About It
Please talk about life— your struggles, your joys, your pain, all of it. It doesn't make you stronger to keep your emotions bottled up—anyone can do that. However, it does make you strong if you can be honest with people about the way you're feeling.
4. Be Aware That It Might Happen Again
This is easier said than done, and it might sound like common sense. Just please know what being closed off felt like the first time around and be able to identify that feeling. If you do feel like you're becoming closed off again, don't force back vulnerability. Let it happen.
I'm not perfect. I don't have it all figured out. I'm still working on being vulnerable. But the more you do it, the easier it is. Let yourself feel. Feelings are good. I promise.
