In case you live under a rock or are incredibly out of touch with pop culture, it is 2016, and humans now have the technology to catch Pokemon in real life. Across America, Pokemon fans young and old are leaving the comfort of their homes to find gyms, Pokestops, friends, allies, enemies and, of course, beloved Pokemon. Everyone is trying to be the very best like no one ever was, which is not surprising considering life is a giant competition. No one wants to be average at something as simple as catching Pokemon, so here's how you can evolve from being the best to the very nest.
1. Dress up just like your "Pokemon Go" avatar.
You'll let the newbs know you are not to be messed with, and that Pikachu over there is yours.
2. Do that weird anime run all the time.
Yeah, that one. It will make you more aerodynamic, so you can catch those Pokeman at the speed of light.
3. Loudly exclaim "I have to go" at the dinner table and then do that weird anime run out of your house.
Get it? Because you're leaving the dinner table to play "Pokemon Go." Your grandma may not understand why you're yelling and running away from the dinner she painstakingly made for you, but you and your fellow hardcore trainers will.
4. Quit your job and fully commit to your quest of becoming the very best like no one ever was.
Your employer, your family, your tenant and the cable company will understand completely that you need some time to complete your journey, and you might have to miss some bill payments and holidays with the family because of it.
5. Be aggressive at all times.
Drive like an idiot to that gym. Push a 13-year-old out of the way, so you can catch that Rattata. The best things in life come to those who act without considering anyone's feelings.
6. Stake your claim of the ~hottest~ areas
Found an area teeming with rare Pokemon? Sit there and yell at anyone who tries to come close. Only you deserve the luxury of having a Moltres and a Mew.
7. Shit on the teams you aren't a part of.
All hail Team Valor. Screw Instinct and Mystic. I don't play "Pokemon Go," I'm just starting shit.
8. Buy some toy Pokeballs and throw them at animal/human passerbys.
It's good practice for when you have to catch digital creatures on your phone
9. Invest in Scuba gear, so you can get extra close to the water Pokemon.
You're closer, so you can catch them faster. Logic.
So, will these tips really help you become the very Best? Probably not because everything is relative and your idea of "the very best" could be different from someone else's idea of "the very best." At least you will feel fulfilled personally. Now, go out there and catch 'em all, or at least more than one!
