Lately, my articles have been selfish. Odyssey is a platform that gives me the power to write whatever I want and have people actually read it. The problem is, Odyssey has become my personal diary. I didn't notice until someone commented on one of my articles telling me that I was abusing the power I had and that should be ashamed and rethink my ways.
Well, commentator, you were right, so thank you. I thought about your words and you had me cold. I am abusing my power, in order to hurt someone else.
You see, I was writing about things that made me angry or that were hurting me, without thinking of the way it could hurt others. It made me feel better and that's all I cared about. I didn't think how bad words can hurt and stay with us. I guess I was never on the receiving end, in the way I was recently.
Or maybe I just forgot what it was like to be bullied because I'm confident in myself now. Maybe I'm confident because I began to act like the bully and try tearing people down to make myself feel better. I don't know, but I know I don't want to hurt like I did when I was bullied ever again.
We should all strive to be the best versions of ourselves and be careful of what we say because words are like knives, they can cut someone to the bone.
My mom always said, "Treat people the way you want to be treated." And I haven't been doing that. It's only brought me negativity and bad karma acting the way I have.
I got caught in this web of negativity and using my platform to lash out at those I felt deserved it. I was letting my selfishness get the best of me and that's not right. I don't want to let anger and negativity control me or what I put out in the world.
I am a pessimist, it's totally true. I'd rather expect disappointment than be let down. But just because I have a pessimist viewpoint internally, doesn't mean that's what I have to give out externally. And I try to be kind and good, but I'm human and I'm selfish, so I make mistakes. But the part the matters is how you try to fix or make up for those mistakes. It starts with acknowledging the problems in yourself.
Last week my article went viral. Like crazy viral and I was excited until I began getting death threats and hate mail. Reading things telling you that you should die or go kill yourself or that someone wants to cause you physical harm is never easy. I began to feel down and wanted my success to go away because the pain I felt from the negative comments was eating at me and it made me realize something I should have realized a while ago.
My selfish nature let me get caught up in using this platform as my diary to do the exact thing those terrible commenters were doing. I was hurting someone and making a spectacle out of it. I was abusing my platform and instead of using it for awareness or goodness, I used it to vent and for negativity. I may not have been giving death threats but I was exposing someone for my own childish motives.
And so, I'm sorry to the people I hurt with my articles. You know who you are and while we will never like each other, I'm going to end the cycle right here and right now of pain and negativity. There will be no more articles about you. I regret the ones I wrote because I can only imagine the pain they caused you, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize.
I'm sorry and I know you won't believe me, but that's okay, I have to prove my words with actions.
In a past article, I said the cycle of pain never ends and that we all contribute to it. I believe that. The cycle cannot be broken, for it is human nature, but I want to control my own emotional baggage so that I can contribute less to that vicious cycle and maybe, just maybe, one day I can stop contributing at all. One day, I hope to not hurt people with my words or actions.
I don't believe in tearing women down but that's exactly what I was doing to you. Like I said, I'm selfish. But here's to the end of that and here's to building you up because I may not like they things you do or how you act but you are strong and resilient. You are a powerful woman who can do so much. I believe in your power.
Your power comes from inside and the goodness we all have. We can choose to be negative and foster that nasty side of us, or we can choose to be positive and give happiness out into the world. I'm choosing happiness and positivity because I want to be better. I want to change and learn each day, so I'm the best person I can be.