To The Girl Who Only Thinks About Herself

To The Girl Who Only Thinks About Herself

Words are like knives, they can cut someone to the bone.
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Lately, my articles have been selfish. Odyssey is a platform that gives me the power to write whatever I want and have people actually read it. The problem is, Odyssey has become my personal diary. I didn't notice until someone commented on one of my articles telling me that I was abusing the power I had and that should be ashamed and rethink my ways.

Well, commentator, you were right, so thank you. I thought about your words and you had me cold. I am abusing my power, in order to hurt someone else.

You see, I was writing about things that made me angry or that were hurting me, without thinking of the way it could hurt others. It made me feel better and that's all I cared about. I didn't think how bad words can hurt and stay with us. I guess I was never on the receiving end, in the way I was recently.

Or maybe I just forgot what it was like to be bullied because I'm confident in myself now. Maybe I'm confident because I began to act like the bully and try tearing people down to make myself feel better. I don't know, but I know I don't want to hurt like I did when I was bullied ever again.

We should all strive to be the best versions of ourselves and be careful of what we say because words are like knives, they can cut someone to the bone.

My mom always said, "Treat people the way you want to be treated." And I haven't been doing that. It's only brought me negativity and bad karma acting the way I have.

I got caught in this web of negativity and using my platform to lash out at those I felt deserved it. I was letting my selfishness get the best of me and that's not right. I don't want to let anger and negativity control me or what I put out in the world.

I am a pessimist, it's totally true. I'd rather expect disappointment than be let down. But just because I have a pessimist viewpoint internally, doesn't mean that's what I have to give out externally. And I try to be kind and good, but I'm human and I'm selfish, so I make mistakes. But the part the matters is how you try to fix or make up for those mistakes. It starts with acknowledging the problems in yourself.

Last week my article went viral. Like crazy viral and I was excited until I began getting death threats and hate mail. Reading things telling you that you should die or go kill yourself or that someone wants to cause you physical harm is never easy. I began to feel down and wanted my success to go away because the pain I felt from the negative comments was eating at me and it made me realize something I should have realized a while ago.

My selfish nature let me get caught up in using this platform as my diary to do the exact thing those terrible commenters were doing. I was hurting someone and making a spectacle out of it. I was abusing my platform and instead of using it for awareness or goodness, I used it to vent and for negativity. I may not have been giving death threats but I was exposing someone for my own childish motives.

And so, I'm sorry to the people I hurt with my articles. You know who you are and while we will never like each other, I'm going to end the cycle right here and right now of pain and negativity. There will be no more articles about you. I regret the ones I wrote because I can only imagine the pain they caused you, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize.

I'm sorry and I know you won't believe me, but that's okay, I have to prove my words with actions.

In a past article, I said the cycle of pain never ends and that we all contribute to it. I believe that. The cycle cannot be broken, for it is human nature, but I want to control my own emotional baggage so that I can contribute less to that vicious cycle and maybe, just maybe, one day I can stop contributing at all. One day, I hope to not hurt people with my words or actions.

I don't believe in tearing women down but that's exactly what I was doing to you. Like I said, I'm selfish. But here's to the end of that and here's to building you up because I may not like they things you do or how you act but you are strong and resilient. You are a powerful woman who can do so much. I believe in your power.

Your power comes from inside and the goodness we all have. We can choose to be negative and foster that nasty side of us, or we can choose to be positive and give happiness out into the world. I'm choosing happiness and positivity because I want to be better. I want to change and learn each day, so I'm the best person I can be.


Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I Woke up In The Middle Of The Night To Write About My Fears, They're Worse Than The Dark

One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

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It is one of those nights when I am tired, but for some reason, I can't seem to fall asleep. So, what do I do? I pull out my laptop, and I begin to write. Who knows where it will lead. It could lead to a killer article or something that does not make sense. I mean it is almost 2 A.M. In my mind, that's pretty late.

Anyways, let's do this thing.

Like many people, thoughts seem to pile up in my head at this time. It could be anything from a time when I was younger to embarrassing stories to wondering why I am "wasting" my time somewhere to thoughts about the future. All of these things come at me like a wildfire. One minute I'm thinking about what I want to do after college next thing I know I'm remembering the time I tried talking to a boy and choked on my spit.

The thought that is going through my mind as I write this is about the future. It's about the future of my fears. Let me explain. I have multiple fears. Some of my fears I can hide pretty well, others I am terrible at hiding. My fears may seem silly to some. While others might have the same fears. Shall we start?

1. My career

I don't know where to begin with this one. For as long as I can remember, my consistent dream job has been working in the world of sports, specifically hockey. A career in sports can be and is a challenging thing. The public eye is on you constantly. A poor trade choice? Fans are angry. Your team sucks? "Fans" are threatening to cheer for someone else if you can't get your sh*t together. You can be blamed for anything and everything. Whether you are the coach, general manager, owner, it does not matter. That's terrifying to me, but for some reason, I want to work for a team.

2. My family

Julie Fox

Failing with my family, whether that be the family I was born into or my future family, it terrifies me. I have watched families around me fall apart and I have seen how it has affected them. Relationships have fallen apart because of it. I have heard people talk about how much they hate one of their parents because of what happened. I don't want that.

3. Time

This could be a dumb fear. I'm not sure, but I fear time. With every minute that passes, I am just another minute closer to the end. With every day that passes that I am not accomplishing goals or dreams I have, I am losing precious time. It scares me to think of something horrible like "What if I die tomorrow because of something horrific?" or even worse, "What if I don't make it through today?" It's terrible, I know.

4. Forgetting precious memories

When I was younger, I had brain surgery. It is now much harder for me to remember things. I am truly terrified that I am going to forget things I will want to hold close to me forever, but I won't be able to. I am scared I'll forget about the little things that mean a lot. I'm afraid of forgetting about old memories that may disappear. I'm worried that I'll forget about something like my wedding day. That might seem out of this world, but it's a reality for me.

5. Saying "goodbye"

I hate saying bye. It is one of my least favorite things. Saying bye, especially to people I don't know when I'll see again, is a stab in the heart for me. I love my people so much. I love being around them. I love laughing with them. Thought of never having a hello with them again scares me beyond belief.

6. Leaving places that I love

Alright, let me start off by saying this- it takes a lot for me to love a place. It has to feel like home. It has to make me feel comfortable. It has to be a place I can go to and be myself. Thankfully, I have had and still have multiple places that are like that. I have also had places I could not wait to leave. I think that's why leaving places I love is so hard and something I fear so much. I am afraid I'll never get that place "back", for lack of a better term. I guess, I'm trying to say, it's like a piece of me is leaving as well.




These six things are just the start of my fears. Some of these might seem "dumb" or "ridiculous" to you, but for me, it's my life. These are the things that I think about the most. These are the things that feel like a pit in my stomach. These six things are parts of my life that mean a lot to me.

Cover Image Credit:

Emily Heinrichs

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7 Songs You NEED To Add To Your Sleep Playlist

If you don't have a sleep playlist you will after listening to these songs.

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When you saw the title of this article you probably thought one, ugh, yes, my sleep playlist needs a serious update...or two, wtf is a sleep playlist?

If you're like me, sometimes falling asleep can be a constant cycle of toss, turn, adjust the pillow, move the blanket, place one leg outside of the covers but never hanging off the edge of the bed, repeat.

No matter what's to blame for your sleep struggles, I know from experience that popping in headphones and putting on chill music will almost ALWAYS have you deep in your dreams way before that alarm goes off.

Here are 7 songs I recently added to my own sleep playlist...

Summer Games- Drake

I think I added this song at 12:01 AM on June 29th. Yes, a minute after it came out. I have one rule if the song is #relatable...ADD IT!

Never Not- Lauv

The first time I heard this song I had chills...everywhere. The next 20 minutes consisted of me replaying this song over and over again. There's nothing like a song with great lyrics and an even better melody.

To The Moon- Phora

I came across this song when I was, once again, searching high and low for a bomb playlist on Spotify. I immediately hit the like button on this one and updated my list.

First F**k- 6LACK & Jhené Aiko

Lately, I've been in such an R&B mood, so anything Jhené Aiko is perfectly fine with me. The beat of this song combined with their vocals just makes for such a relaxing vibe.

New Balance- Jhené Aiko

Like I said, literally anything by Jhené Aiko is a good choice. It's a simple song with relatable af content so you know I had to hit add to playlist.

The Letter- Kehlani

The piano. Her voice. The meaning of the lyrics. One listens and you're in a trance. I don't even think I ever stayed awake for the whole song.

All I Want- Kodaline

Okay, honestly I didn't recently add this one. It's definitely been a staple on my sleep playlist since I created one year ago. This song is just SO GOOD I had to mention it so you all add it to your playlists too! And if you don't have one, stop reading this and go make one right now.

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Shutterstock

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