To The Girl Who Only Thinks About Herself

To The Girl Who Only Thinks About Herself

Words are like knives, they can cut someone to the bone.

Lately, my articles have been selfish. Odyssey is a platform that gives me the power to write whatever I want and have people actually read it. The problem is, Odyssey has become my personal diary. I didn't notice until someone commented on one of my articles telling me that I was abusing the power I had and that should be ashamed and rethink my ways.

Well, commentator, you were right, so thank you. I thought about your words and you had me cold. I am abusing my power, in order to hurt someone else.

You see, I was writing about things that made me angry or that were hurting me, without thinking of the way it could hurt others. It made me feel better and that's all I cared about. I didn't think how bad words can hurt and stay with us. I guess I was never on the receiving end, in the way I was recently.

Or maybe I just forgot what it was like to be bullied because I'm confident in myself now. Maybe I'm confident because I began to act like the bully and try tearing people down to make myself feel better. I don't know, but I know I don't want to hurt like I did when I was bullied ever again.

We should all strive to be the best versions of ourselves and be careful of what we say because words are like knives, they can cut someone to the bone.

My mom always said, "Treat people the way you want to be treated." And I haven't been doing that. It's only brought me negativity and bad karma acting the way I have.

I got caught in this web of negativity and using my platform to lash out at those I felt deserved it. I was letting my selfishness get the best of me and that's not right. I don't want to let anger and negativity control me or what I put out in the world.

I am a pessimist, it's totally true. I'd rather expect disappointment than be let down. But just because I have a pessimist viewpoint internally, doesn't mean that's what I have to give out externally. And I try to be kind and good, but I'm human and I'm selfish, so I make mistakes. But the part the matters is how you try to fix or make up for those mistakes. It starts with acknowledging the problems in yourself.

Last week my article went viral. Like crazy viral and I was excited until I began getting death threats and hate mail. Reading things telling you that you should die or go kill yourself or that someone wants to cause you physical harm is never easy. I began to feel down and wanted my success to go away because the pain I felt from the negative comments was eating at me and it made me realize something I should have realized a while ago.

My selfish nature let me get caught up in using this platform as my diary to do the exact thing those terrible commenters were doing. I was hurting someone and making a spectacle out of it. I was abusing my platform and instead of using it for awareness or goodness, I used it to vent and for negativity. I may not have been giving death threats but I was exposing someone for my own childish motives.

And so, I'm sorry to the people I hurt with my articles. You know who you are and while we will never like each other, I'm going to end the cycle right here and right now of pain and negativity. There will be no more articles about you. I regret the ones I wrote because I can only imagine the pain they caused you, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize.

I'm sorry and I know you won't believe me, but that's okay, I have to prove my words with actions.

In a past article, I said the cycle of pain never ends and that we all contribute to it. I believe that. The cycle cannot be broken, for it is human nature, but I want to control my own emotional baggage so that I can contribute less to that vicious cycle and maybe, just maybe, one day I can stop contributing at all. One day, I hope to not hurt people with my words or actions.

I don't believe in tearing women down but that's exactly what I was doing to you. Like I said, I'm selfish. But here's to the end of that and here's to building you up because I may not like they things you do or how you act but you are strong and resilient. You are a powerful woman who can do so much. I believe in your power.

Your power comes from inside and the goodness we all have. We can choose to be negative and foster that nasty side of us, or we can choose to be positive and give happiness out into the world. I'm choosing happiness and positivity because I want to be better. I want to change and learn each day, so I'm the best person I can be.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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What If You're Not Thriving You're Only Surviving?

Someday you'll thrive, but for now you have to just survive.

We’ve all seen the posts. Countless upon countless posts on all social media platforms of millennials saying how they’re #SurvivingNotThriving because of various tiny difficulties in their life. Maybe they didn’t do as well on a test as they were hoping, maybe their favorite brunch place was closed so they had to go to Denny’s instead. Whatever it may be, sometimes it’s overwhelming being on social media and sifting through all of the posts about how life just isn’t going the way that person wants right now. But, what if you are truly not thriving and you’re just merely surviving?

Lately, I have felt like this and not just because of trivial, day to day things. It’s hard to feel like you are genuinely thriving when the thought of getting up out of bed to brush your teeth exhausts you. Every minute of every day that you are not in bed and asleep drains the life out of you, no matter the workload on your plate. I have come to a point in my life where I feel stagnant, stuck and unable to get out of the rut I am currently in - I am the definition of the trendy hashtag. I am not squeezing every last drop out of the beautiful life I have like I should be.

It’s important to remember when you’re in seasons in your life like this, though, there will always be a way to pull yourself out of it. Despite the fact that I continually feel like I’m only surviving, I have hope for the future; a future where I suck the marrow out of life, a future where I fully and completely thrive. If you, too, feel the lowest of the low and that you are only #SurvivingNotThriving - keep the hope, cling to it.

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What Does Your Body Position Say About You?

She seemed to read her presentation off the carpet.

“Margaret, your presentation please,” the teacher announced above the crowd of heads that filled the classroom.

At the sound of her name being called, she stood up and walked with slow, heavy feet to the front of the classroom. While she stood by the Smart Board waiting for her PowerPoint to load, her eyes kept darting at the door.

As she stood there presenting her PowerPoint in a very small voice, her face never changed. Margaret’s mouth stayed in a thin line the entire presentation, her eyebrows furrowed, and she made no eye contact with anyone—just the door, the walls, the ceiling, and mostly the floor. She seemed to read her presentation off the carpet. Along with that, her pale, flushed face looked as though she may even throw up. Her face even had a tint of green to it. She took short, rapid breaths as if to try and hold it down.

Along with her eyes, her head also hung down, creating a small hunch in her upper shoulders and back. Margaret couldn’t stand still. Watching her rock back and forth from one foot to the other took all my attention away from her presentation. Her hands kept moving as well. She had her fingers twisted in a knot and when she would unwind them, they would only get twisted up again. She did, however, take a break from twisting up her fingers by rotating and re-rotating the rings on her fingers.

When Margaret’s presentation finally ended, she bolted back to her seat and sat back down with a loud, heavy sigh.

Cover Image Credit: Eric Ward

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