How To Be Kla$$y
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How To Be Kla$$y

A guide to perfecting the facade of being a high-class member of society.

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How To Be Kla$$y

If you know anything about me, you know that my dream is to be the ultimate cocktail party date. I have this idea that if I am well versed in classic literature, wine, cheese, current events, and classic movies, I will be able to laugh at any joke, carry on a conversation when things are getting dull, and come off as one of the most cultured people in the room (even though it's all a facade). This, however, is a huge undertaking. How can one possibly learn and retain all of that information and still have a job or a life without dedicating all of one's time to absorbing all of this knowledge. It's actually not possible, so I've come up with some foolproof ways to come off as a classy mother f***er (and not sound super pretentious while doing it).

1. Stand in front of the cheese counter at Trader Joe's and sample and remember the name of everything. That way you know which fancy cheeses taste good and which are disgusting. Start with things like compté, manchego, pecorino, and chevre.

2. Learn how to get high-class schwasty and become a connoisseur of the grape. Look up liquor stores around where you live because they usually offer wine tastings at least once a month (if you live in Houston, go to Spec's).

3. Talk about art like you can afford it. Travel to a local gallery or museum and eavesdrop on anyone wearing horn-rimmed glasses and skinny jeans.

4. Think back to your high school literature class and read the Sparknotes for all of the books we all know you didn't read.

5. Dangle that Latin knowledge that you were forced to study in middle school and have never used since.

6. If you're a Rice student, head to the daunting school of music where everyone will stare at you and make you feel like an outsider, but the concerts are free and phenomenal.

7. Watch a black-and-white film. Everyone loves a good black-and-white film.

8. Subscribe to theSkimm to get your daily dose of current events so you can pretend to know what people are talking about when they discuss the most recent presidential debate.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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