The title of this may be blunt, but it's the blunt truth that keeps me going.
Being fat and ugly in this modern world has both positives and negatives. Oftentimes it seems that the negatives outweigh the positives by a long shot, however, I have found that the positives of being undesirable are rewarding as well.
The negatives of being fat are infinitive.
Doctor appointments are my worst nightmare. The streptococcal bacteria growing on my esophagus is due to my obesity, of course.
The features of my body have kept me up at night wondering how I could reverse them or change them.
I have sat through weddings trying to feel happy for the couple but ending up being consumed by my own melancholy because my brain will tell me to take the atmosphere in while I can, for I will never have this personal experience in my life.
Beyond that, being both fat and ugly has caused me to learn what not being good enough truly is.
I could have the best personality ever but when put up against another girl that is beautiful, I fall short.
I don't know what is truly worse, never having a chance with someone because of how I look or having a chance and really getting to know the person and enjoy their company only at the last minute to be dropped without explanation.
It is like I am good, but just not enough.
While this may sound depressing and pessimistic, there is good in the situation.
Not only have I learned to be independent, but I have also learned that third wheeling is okay. I don't need a friend to go to the bathroom with me. I don't need a familiar face in the room to excel at what I do.
Do I love my body? No, but I love my brain and what it does for me.
Where some people find their bodies unbearable, I can relate, but I have learned to push it aside from my tasks at hand.
People may snicker and whatever rude people do to get their fill, but that's fine with me. I know my body can't hold back my successes at college nor the future endeavors that I foresee myself accomplishing.
To all the other women that feel this way, our time is coming. Women with bigger bodies are pushing their way through the fashion industry into being accepted on a larger scale than ever.
However, will the personal aspects of being a bigger person in this world ever change? That is up to the future to decide.
