At my camp, every girl cabin has a “brother” cabin with boys about the same age. Every session, we would switch counselors for an evening and could ask them anything we wanted. It almost always involved boys and dating questions. My last year of camp a question was asked that resonated with me and the answer has continued to affect me. One girl asked, “how do you tell if a guy likes you?” to which a counselor responded “you should never have to wonder, he should constantly be pursuing you and you him”. In a world where “hard-to-get” is everywhere, the idea that someone would just openly share their feelings was amazing. The problem was finding anyone else who would openly pursue a relationship.
I began to pursue relationships, romantic and platonic, in a brand new way. I would regularly tell people that they were important to me and would take interest in the things they liked. I began to see healthier and happier relationships, as well as one-sided friendships. In the former, my acquaintances would see what I was doing and would do the same. It became a safer and more honest space without any sort of doubts. In the latter, I believe it was taken for granted. Sometimes when you put so much effort into something but aren't getting anything in return, it’s not just a bad friendship it can be unhealthy.
Pursuing people isn't only relevant in current relationships, it should begin as soon as you meet. Being interested in someone, as a friend or more, means just that. Be interested in what they care about and what the think. Ask questions and try to get to know them. Pursue them.
This is when I tell you to affirm the people you care about; do and say things that make them feel appreciated. To some it may sound “needy,” but affirmation is important in every kind of relationship. Affirmations are a way of showing someone that they are wanted. I urge you to take this into consideration and look at your relationships with friends, family, and significant others. Do you take what they do for you for granted? Do they know how much you really care for them?
Pursuing someone may sound tedious and exhausting since you already have a great relationship, one day you may look up and they might not be there anymore. Do not be content in what you may already have; strive to make every relationship the best it can be. Pursuing those you love is worth every minute.
Lastly, pursue yourself and make yourself the best you can be. Take time out of your day to relax or to think about what you can do for yourself. It is so important to remember that if you aren't taking care of yourself you can’t take care of others.
