I am sure you became feverish as you read the headline of this article, loyal reader. “This kid has answers to one of the most sought after questions of all time?!” you may have asked yourself. Although I don’t have one universal answer to give you, I do have a prolific repertoire. I have been so blessed to experience countless family vacations, many of which I found myself gasping for the air we call social media, foraging for the luxury we call silence.    

Unfortunately, not all family vacations are what we see at the movies, and not all families can achieve such organization and class in outward appearance as this fine, twentieth century family does. Bless their hearts.

Not every student has yet achieved the skill of teleportation to relieve him or her in times of SOS on such vacations that are hard to make it through. "I haven’t learned how to teleport, yet. I’m so screwed,” you think to yourself in sadness. However, after over 20 years of life in a large family, I have conjured enough relevant advice to share with all of you in an effort to make family vacations bearable and fun. These are the things you’ll need to survive.    

You need to bring headphones. If you haven’t figured this out yet, you’re welcome! These things will save your life. You can drown out your annoying 10 year old sister in the car, completely ignore the anxiety attack your mom is having about bringing too many clothes, and successfully escape the crying baby on the same plane as you.

Spinning off the headphones idea -- do not forget your phone. Most likely, you use it for absolutely everything: music, texting, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, email, homework dates, etc. Just don’t leave your house until you have your phone somehow strapped on you; I don’t care if you use duct tape to wrap it around your inner thigh. Do what you have to do.      

If you are of age, you need to drink. Unless your family doesn’t drink -- in which case, tweet at me. I have never actually come into contact with one of these rare types of families -- I would be interested in setting up an interview. The level of enjoyment of your vacation depends entirely upon your ability to stay buzzed. Forget the headphones, bring out the vodka, and make your vacation a, "Vaaacaaationnn!"

If you are given the opportunity to do so, bring a friend. It makes me nervous whenever I know that someone has this opportunity and does not take advantage of it. If you are normal, and you bring a friend, make sure it is a fun friend: one that will embarrass your siblings, make you look good in front of your parents, and somehow manage to bring an unnerving amount of alcohol for the two of you. I really wish I had a smiley face emoji right about now.

Say yes to whatever your parents ask you to do. They need you to watch your younger sibling? Do it. Believe me, saying no in an effort to secure your spot in that comfortable reclining chair will make your life so much worse. By the time you are done arguing with your mom or dad for saying that devilish, two lettered word, you have wasted more time than you would have by just saying yes. 

I am going to conclude with something cheesy: have fun and be thankful. In 2012, 72% of families who did not go on vacation, did not do so because they could not afford to. I have just provided you with an extensive list of first world problems, so if you happened to experience any of these problems, be thankful!      

Family vacations are not always the easiest or the most fun, but I a m here to tell you that they absolutely can be. All it takes is an iPhone, a friend, and a bar (if you are of age). If all else fails, I am sure MTV is playing re-runs of Teen Mom and Room Raiders.