I bought new sheets today. It sounds so anti-climactic but it was huge for me. I bought new sheets today and I put them on my bed. The bed we used to sleep in together, the bed I realized I loved you in, the bed I realized this was goodbye in. It’s been a while since you were in my bed, I have even washed my sheets, but somehow I’ve convinced myself it still smells like you. Every night I get in bed and no matter how my day was I smell my old sheets and think of you, I think of us and the memories and how you’re not here anymore. I still have your baby blanket with your name stitched in the corner, and there’s a corner I think maybe still has your smell but I’m just lying to myself. I loved the way you smelt fresh laundry, gas, and the ocean. It used to make me feel safe, but you are not the man anymore.

So today I bought new sheets. White fresh clean a new start. I don’t look for your smell anymore. When I get in bed I think of my day, I think of myself and it feels great. For the first time in forever it’s about me. Somedays I think of you and vegan cheese in those old sheets, its less and less, the evidence you ever loved me is fading from my room. But I bought new sheets today and I know missing you won’t be a forever a thing.

One day these sheets will be laid on by someone new and this bed will be filled with new memories. And every day I will wake up and my sheets will smell like them and when I buy new sheets it will be together, and they will smell like us. But for now they smell like me because I am important, and today I bought new sheets.