Over and over again, I have been told 'You are doing too much!' 'You don't have as much energy, don't bother working so hard.' 'Just relax.' These words drive me completely insane. The way I see it, we all have something that makes everyday life difficult for ourselves. Whether it be a mental or physical illness, the stress of financial burdens, the stress of relationships, trying to manage children, there are a million reasons that someone can be struggling in life and worried that they are stuck in a situation they cannot get out of.
First and foremost, your health comes first. Whatever that means to you. If you need to take a break and not do anything for a few months, if you need to move closer to a support system, if you need someone to help you, if you need to take medication, that is ok. There is no one size fits all for dealing with an issue. If you feel like you are doing ok, then that is what is right for you. You are in charge, not society, not your family, not your friends, you choose what feels rights.
So that being said, I knew that I was not ok, but I needed something to channel my energy into or else I would get even worsening depression. This being the case, I chose school and work to be my focuses. If I am not doing either oof those things, I usually am in bed trying to relax or asleep, but I came to realize that is ok. I knew that if I did not work or go to school and just laid in bed all day without doing anything to better myself, I would not be doing anything to help myself if I ever did get better, and if I don't, I wanted to find a reasonable amount of what I could handle because I refused to live my life in bed.
I did things day by day. I learned what type of jobs I could handle and what type of jobs took too much out of me. I quit a job that was causing me too much stress and took a much lower paying job in order to help my health. I put myself first but refused to give up completely. I knew that some days I would feel like I couldn;t juggle everything and some days I would break down--this does happen, but I knew that it was better than me not trying at all. I make time for doctors appointments and have little time to go out with friends, but I knew that was the cost I would have to pay for putting my health and future first. Sometimes it is lonely, but at least I am learning my limits and making myself know that I can have a career despite my illness and I can work just as hard if not harder as someone who has no health issues because I have so much drive that comes from trying to prove myself.
You can choose to sit down and accept the cards you have been dealt or you can fight like hell for what you know you can do.
