My heart beat like an 808 drum as soon as I stepped up to the mic for the first time. My palms sweat and my hand shook as I unfolded the crumpled paper I kept in my pocket all day. I was at the Hidden Talents convocation for my music department at Hartwick College, and I was frightened for my life.
You're a music major, not an English major, get out of here while your dignity is still intact! My head screamed as I cleared my throat, "Ahem, this poem is titled, '10 things my first semester of sophomore year taught me'."
As soon as the first words came out, my anxiety melted away like frost on a sunny morning. I knew, at that moment, the microphone was about to become a second home for me. The audience roared with laughter at the jokes, nodded sympathetically at the harsh realities spoken in metaphor, and with that, I delivered my first poem to an audience. As I thanked them, I was met with applause, and "Great Job!" over and over again. My heart soared, I finally did what all of the people in the Button Poetry videos did. I delivered an honest and gritty depiction of my depression, but I expressed it in a way that made me feel good.
By January I had signed up for a spoken word class on my campus, and I was addicted. I spent the entire month in an intensive four-day-a-week class, learning how to edit, deliver and perfect the poems I had written. My boyfriend at the time and I were on the emotional fritz, not quite together but not quite apart. The emotional trauma fueled me; I was writing real, heart-felt lines that flowed from my pen with ease. Our assignments were only to write three poems a day, but I was churning out at least seven or eight on a daily basis without a problem. I was addicted to the high of performing my poems for people to hear and soak in, I was addicted to relaying my problems in such a way that people understood how my heart sat in my chest. I wanted to make people feel it too, not in a sad way, but in a way that helped people know me better.
I decided that summer to head to my local beatnik, hipster coffeehouse in the nearby city, to sip hot cocoa and listen to one of my friends hit up an open mic. I brought my poetry notebook, just in case I was inspired or anything. Next thing I knew, I was performing too, and it felt even better than performing at school. The local poetry society was all in attendance, cheering me on, hearing my words and feeling them too. I was elated, and from then on, that little coffee joint became one of the most important places for me to be when I got home for breaks.
You never know when you'll discover a hobby. I never expected to perform poetry in front of anyone, let alone an entire coffeehouse of strangers. I never dreamed that, after stumbling upon the Button Poetry YouTube channel, that I would someday do what they do, just on a smaller scale. I can't wait to see where this little hobby of mine takes me.
