We’ve all heard it before: you date to discover the other person, learn more about yourself, and grow through the experience. I remember wondering if I had to be in a romantic relationship to continue growing as a person.
Since then, I’ve realized that singleness can be a catalyst for personal growth. In my case, it has helped me grow in ways that would have been more difficult if I’d had a “significant other.”
I’ve Pushed Myself
Somewhere along the way, I realized that I don’t have to have a man’s support before I can step out and try new (and sometimes scary!) adventures. Whether it’s moving temporarily halfway across the country, trying a new sport, volunteering, or visiting campus groups by myself, I’ve learned that I’m capable of much more than I thought.
Some people are go-getters, and others are not. I’m an “other.” If I’d had a man around a couple years ago, I would have been tempted to let him handle the challenges and follow along once the road looked smooth. I’ve learned to face that scary new step, and I have grown as an individual by doing so.
It’s a good thing to have support systems and not go it alone, but that doesn’t mean that you need your boyfriend or girlfriend glued to your side for every new step.
I’ve Cultivated Meaningful Friendships
Speaking of those support systems, singleness has taught me the value of community and friend relationships. Some days are hard, and I need a listening ear. Other days, I need to be that listening ear for a friend. And guess what? I’ll still need supportive relationships outside of my spouse even after marriage! Hopefully, I will be smart enough to keep up my relationships during a dating relationship, too. Singleness is a perfect opportunity to invest in lifelong relationships.
Relationships, whether romantic or not, are rarely easy. They all require hard work, forgiveness, and trust at some level. Conflict in relationships is not necessarily bad; it is how we handle conflict that determines the outcome. Friend relationships—and especially familial relationships—are excellent places to practice loving, truthful communication. After all, if we cannot extend grace to those around us today, what makes us think we’re ready for romantic commitment?
I Recognized My Value Apart from Physical Attraction
This one is especially for the ladies. Let’s face it: everywhere we turn, culture screams at us that our surface physical appeal determines our worth.
Singleness forced me to go beyond a comforting relationship to find my value. Singleness reminds me that my value does not come from culture’s opinions of me, but from God’s opinion of me. Ultimately, my worth is determined by the fact that God chose me (Eph. 1:4).
Human love may grow and fade, but God’s love is eternal and unconditional. I don’t earn His love any more than I earn salvation. He freely loves me, grows my relationship with Him, and refines me to be more like His perfect nature.
In that assurance, I can appreciate my body and learn to manage or adjust aspects that need to change. My body is a gift from God which I should steward well, but it is not the measure of my worth.
Final Thoughts
Just as dating relationships cause you to grow and evaluate yourself, singleness has a unique way of developing your own strengths and personality. How has singleness helped you as an individual?
