Anxiety is a terrible condition to deal with 24 hours a day, seven days a week, but it is worse knowing that you have to learn to control it. Controlling your anxiety could take a lifetime trying to figure out. It is a helpless feeling.
The big thing with love is that words mean nothing to you, actions do. People say things they don’t mean all the time. Promises mean nothing to you because you have seen countless promises broken. You have learned throughout the years that it is not the “I love you's” or the words that people say. They don’t mean a thing unless it is shown through their actions.
You have had trust issues for a long time, and maybe you don’t know why, it just seems like a natural thing for you. It is hard for you to expect the best because you are always used to expecting the worst. You try your best to stay away from arguments because it makes your anxiety skyrocket.
Loving someone scares you. When you finally feel like you are in a great stable relationship, you always have thoughts flying around in your head questioning it. How can you not though? You have experienced heartbreak and how a relationship can break into a million pieces in the blink of an eye. You know that people get frustrated with you and that worries you. This leads to the fear of rejection and abandonment. Those are the most terrifying words to you.
In a relationship, it is hard for you not try to control the relationship and to not have anxiety every time they are not around, when they are out, etc. You have endless thoughts on the “what if’s.” You always try to convince yourself that you are worrying for absolutely no reason (which you probably are worrying for no reason), but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. For some reason anxiety always seems to win. You need your partner to comfort you and show you that they do love you. You don’t want the labels: “She’s a psycho,” “She is crazy,” or “She is annoying.” You are none of those things. The fact of the matter is anxiety is a lot to overcome and you wish that people understood what you live with every single day.
There is always a fear of the unknown because you want to be in control of your future, but you know that anything can happen. Once again, you expect the worst and you just wish you could learn to expect the best.
When you love, you love unconditionally. You will do anything for the one you are with and you are always trying to find ways to make them happier. You always give your 100% best effort in the relationship to try to keep the other person wanting you. You want it to last, but who doesn’t? You have a big heart, but a sensitive one as well. Even though your anxiety seems like it is the end of the world, you know that deep down it isn’t and that everything is going to be okay.
