I really wish I didn't have the experience to write this article, or that my psychological analysis of it weren't totally logical. I really do. However, I'm a woman in my 20s in the age of digital dating, and guess what? That means plenty of experience with unsolicited nude pictures from men, a.k.a. "unsolicited dick pics." And what I've realized, now, is that these occurrences are not about me or about my enjoyment in any way, shape, or form. Unsolicited nudes are simply a form of superiority that men have over women, and the subconscious (or conscious depending on how sleazy the guy is) idea that our wants are lesser than theirs.
Don't get me wrong: if you're in the mood and having some saucy conversation prior to any visuals, nudes aren't necessarily bad. This is not about that. You do you. This is about when you're first texting a guy and everything's great, and then out of the blue -- bam -- genitals. Maybe he asked you first, maybe he didn't. Maybe you said no and got them anyway. The point is, these guys do not care about your comfort, your boundaries or your wants, sexual or not. They care about themselves (surprise).
I recently had a very enlightening conversation with a 20-something man who explained to me his thinking on the whole matter: he said that men know that women don't enjoy these pictures 90 percent of the time. That's not what the dick pic is about. The dick pic is about the satisfaction of knowing that a woman has seen your penis, and that's where the turn on comes from for the male. Does that sound as messed up to everyone else as it does to me? Because it gave me a revelation. It makes too much sense.
Let's break down this situation and see why this is so perfect and so horrible. Firstly, there's absolutely no way men don't realize when it's not the right time to show a woman his genitals, and there's absolutely no way that there can be any confusion when we straight up tell them no. But for the sake of clarity -- if you're not talking about it, it's not the right time. If you ask, and she says no, it's not the right time. If she's at work, it's not the right time.
I feel as though consent for these pictures should work the same exact way that consent should work for any other sexual encounter, really. If you're hanging out with a girl and having a completely non-sexual conversation, you're not just going to pull down your pants and expect her to suddenly be in the mood, right? Right. If you're getting busy with someone and they say no, you don't do it. It's that easy. There's no way that they don't get the message that these inappropriate pictures are usually inappropriate.
Secondly: The satisfaction of sending these pictures is about the man and not the woman. This makes sense because first, as I just said, they know we don't want them. However, this is absolutely terrible because they send them anyway. Sending them anyway is ignoring the woman's boundaries and her wants. Blatantly. The turn-on for the man is not because the girl is enjoying it; it's because she's seen his penis.
My girlfriends and I have always joked that men seem to think that the penis is some kind of holy entity that us as women should be honored to see. But really, they do. Whether we want to see it or not, men think that we should be grateful for it. And here's where that's wrong, other than it just being wrong: this a subtle form of the idea that men are superior to women and their desires, especially sexual, are more important than ours. This is the meat of what I've been trying to say.
The unsolicited dick pic is just another form of men expecting dominance over women. It's them saying, my needs are more important than yours. This is simply another bullet-point that perpetuates the idea that women are expected to be sexually submissive to men, and if nothing else, it shows that men are not being told that it is not okay to neglect another person's comfort level. It's an unrealized form of showing that men do not care about our end of the deal (which I'm sure we've also all experienced). It is selfish, and if I am ever to speak for women everywhere, it's gross. Also, it's probably not going to get you laid. Ever. #Sorrynotsorry.
