As a kid, you probably sat in 3rd grade almost every other Friday anticipating a sleepover with your best friend in the universe. You most likely told all your other friends and teachers that you were staying at what’s-her-name’s house that night at recesses and lunch times. And your friendship most likely consisted of pointless laughs, BFF necklaces, and an occasional argument over who had the coolest Barbies.
It’s refreshing looking back at your childhood definition of friendship. It was simple. Our definition of friendship now is increasingly deeper and, at times, a little more complex. Being a friend requires a lot of commitment, work, and love from both sides. Arguments leave our hearts a little sorer than they used to in elementary school.
Being someone’s friend means calling her right after a first date because you’re so eager to see how it went. Being someone’s friend means letting them borrow your favorite pair of shoes for a party. And most importantly, being someone’s friend means doing anything and everything in your power to (metaphorically or literally) pick her up when she’s down. Those are the kinds of friends you’ll make time for in your busy work schedule to see once every two months for lunch in your late 20s. Those are the kinds of friends whose toddler will be best friends with yours when you’re both 30. And those are the kind of friends you’ll share recipes with when you’re 70 and retired. Unfortunately, there’s a thin line between “true” friends and “fun” friends. This is for the girls with the “fun” friends.
Personally, I believe you can either find your “fun” friends the easy way or the hard way. Nevertheless, I found mine the REALLY hard way. Counting the days up to high school, I had always had three or four “real” friends. (They are actually the same ones I have today, plus the addition of a couple more.) But come high school I paved a different path for myself. I only allowed (and wanted) myself to share my time with one other friend.
At the time, I was having the best days of my life. Memories flood my mind when I turn on the radio and hear a song we jammed to on the way to Taco Bell. I remember late night conversations about how cute our home was going to be together in college and the tattoos we wanted. (Which were, by the way, not that cool.) We talked in weird voices and trespassed private golf courses way too often on summer nights. You were basically my parent’s honorary child. And if you had told me 3 years ago that we would go almost a full year now without speaking, I would have laughed in your face.
Towards the end of our friendship, I started noticing some things that I was, at first, so blindsided by. I was cussing more, cared less about starting and succeeding in college, ignoring friends that cared about me, and even gained 10(ish) pounds!!! I was the same person I used to be, but just a worse version of her. But none of those details bothered me as much as you think they would have. I overlooked them with ease; I was having fun! I genuinely thought she was my lifelong friend.
To make this long story a littler shorter, I ended up with really hurt feelings and one less friend. Yes, at first I thought the sky was falling, but right around the corner pieces of my life starting coming together like never before. I was becoming more level headed, focused more on school, formed better relationships with friends and family, and I lost those 10(ish) pounds. Since then, I have molded myself more and more each day into the person I hope to be.
Please know that I am not writing this to cause any sort of tension or intently upset anyone. I want to give my “fun” friend a genuine thank you. Thank you for all the laughs and thank you for every memory. Most importantly, thank you for showing me my full potential as a person and for making me stronger than ever. Losing a friend can hurt, but separating the “fun” friends from the “true” friends can soften the blow. Where one door closes, another opens. So maybe everyone needs to close a door once in awhile.
