"How handsome?"

That question is wrong. Empirically, ethically, ephemerally, excitedly, emphatically wrong. The wrongness of it lies in its linear nature. Judging a person's looks by a mere degree of handsomeness is limiting. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely people who are more handsome or less handsome than other people. There are steep comparisons, like comparing George Clooney to Joey Crawford. Or like comparing Antonio Banderas (Then) to Antonio Banderas (Now). Then there are less steep comparisons that make you question the whole system of degrees, like comparing Trey Songz to Dave Franco. Or like comparing Denzel Washington to Antonio Banderas (Somewhere between Then and Now). You get the point. Some people are handsome, some people are less handsome, and some people are not handsome. There is nothing wrong with accepting degrees of handsomeness, but if you only use degrees of handsomeness, you are only looking at part of the conversation to be had.

The rest of the conversation involves kinds of handsomeness and the context in which someone is handsome. (NOTE: This is a conversation for anyone, regardless of your sexual orientation)

When discussing kinds of handsomeness, there are four (totally random on-the-spot) categories of handsomeness. Though unspoken by name, the first and most widely recognized purview of handsomeness is threatening handsomeness. This kind of handsomeness is a variety by which other heterosexual men are afraid that they may not stack up to men ascribed this quality by an unspoken agreement. Belonging to this class of handsomeness are the aforementioned Denzel Washington and George Clooney, as well as Usher and Mario Lopez, to name a few. I am a heterosexual man. I admire these men, and I am afraid of how handsome they are.

The second kind of handsomeness (and the most interesting to me) is non-threatening handsomeness. Some of the most handsome men in the world are of a non-threatening type. In my opinion, the most handsome man in the world is of this type. Namely, Michael B. Jordan. Maybe it's because he looks like the best wingman ever or maybe it's because he plays the best wingman ever for a threateningly handsome Zac Efron, but MBJ does not make me feel insecure (NOTE: Zac Efron and Dave Franco are the exact same kind of handsome, and it creeps me out). Other non-threateningly handsome men include the Will Smith, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and the incomparable B.D. Wong.

The third and fourth kinds of handsomeness both apply to professional athletes and are both subject to wider cultural perception than the heterosexual male gaze (admittedly, the cultural perception of male professional sports is largely that of the heterosexual male gaze).

The third kind of handsomeness includes the quality associated with recognized handsomeness—athletes that we all acknowledge are good-looking. Whether you admit it or not, your perception of looks is affected by the culture around you. Chances are, if you watch professional sports, the dudes you think are handsome are the dudes everyone thinks are handsome, or at least who everyone accepts as handsome.

NFL: The New England Patriots have nothing short of a vice grip on handsomeness between Tom Brady and Jimmy Garoppolo.

NBA: Tony Parker. For a while we kind of just accepted that Tony was really really handsome and we don't acknowledge it anymore, but the history is still there. Also Carmelo Anthony.

NHL: I don't watch hockey, but some website said Henrik Lundqvist was the best looking guy in hockey. Which really says a lot about how little looks matter in a sport played on ice.

Soccer: Cristiano Ronaldo.

You might be wondering how Jimmy Garoppolo made it into that previous section, but guys like Shannon Brown didn't. A description of the fourth kind of handsomeness will inform distinctions about why. The fourth is a kind which involves pro athletes who are unrecognized as handsome by the larger fanbase. Jimmy Garoppolo is a backup behind the best active quarterback in the NFL right now, and is decidedly more handsome than talented at this point in his career, which is why we acknowledge that he is handsome. Guys in this next category are either less well-known and don't get the recognition that comes with facetime, or they are athletes who are so good at what they do that it will take us about 10 years to realize that they are handsome (See: Tom Brady). I will be focusing on the latter. The most criminally unrecognized handsome athletes (because they are so talented) are:

NFL: Odell Beckham Jr. a thousand times. He's got the most trusting eyes and a classically charming smile. Cam Newton a million times. He has the most youthful, energentic, and confidently dignified smile. They are both so good at what they do that we just cannot handle them being handsome on top of that right now. Give Cam a few years, give Odell like, eight years.

NBA: Maybe not criminally unrecognized, but definitely unrecognized is Chandler Parsons. People just don't like Chandler, plus he's not as talented as his contract would have you believe, so why should we talk about his handsomeness? We shouldn't. But I have to be objective. More importantly, however, we never took the time to acknowledge that Kobe Bryant is handsome. Try to find a picture of him that looks bad, or a picture that's just not very handsome. I'll wait. Love him or hate him, the dude's just got it.

NHL: *crickets* I don't watch this sport.

Soccer: André Schürrle, I mean the dude has the most softly piercing gaze I've ever seen. Throw in a stoutly defined (but not cartoonishly defined) jaw, and you've got a handsome dude.

I could include many other names of remotely attractive guys and you probably think I've omitted names, but before you pop off at me, consider that I'm discussing handsomeness. I'm not exploring the terrain of "cute" guys, because really anybody can find something cute about a person. There are plenty of cute attributes about many of the dudes on this disjointed list, but in the end, they're all handsome.

(FINAL NOTE: Idris Elba is threateningly handsome if that wasn't blatantly apparent to you)