Dear parents and friends of anxious kids,
You have a pivotal role in your child or friend's life and can help or hinder them through their anxiety. At first, it may seem manageable like everything is fine, and there are just instances where the anxiety is out of control. Many times, the trigger is obvious, -- other times, it is completely unnoticed until it is too late -- and the child has launched into a full blown anxiety attack.
At least for myself, when an attack starts and I am able to calm down from it, going directly back into the imminent threat is not the best plan, unfortunately, sometimes it is the only plan. Here are a few tips for parents or friends of anxious people and what to do when they are in the middle of an attack:
1. Use encouraging words.
This may seem like a "duh" response, but when your friend is in the middle of feeling like their world is falling around them, sometimes you say the worst things that spiral us into a deeper attack due too feeling like we are unconvincing everyone involved. Instead of the traditional "You are fine." "Just stop feeling anxious." Try instead to encourage them and remind them that this feeling is not forever, even though it may feel that way. "I am here for you." "Do you want something to drink?" "Let's talk through why this made you feel anxious."
2. Come up with a code.
Whether it be a hand signal or a word that you use; it doesn't matter, but once this signal is established, use it. Do not abuse it; do not set it up then betray the trust that that person instilled into you. Fight for them in that moment when they are too weak for fight for themselves. If the situation continues, push harder so that everything can pause for that person to breathe.
3. Understand.
This is probably the most important and crucial aspect of having a friend or child with anxiety. People do not understand. Even when they say they understand, or that they have anxiety -- everyone's anxiety is different. Understand that. What may have helped another friend may push back progress for another person. Something that could have helped this person a few weeks ago, may not be what they need in this moment.
4.Plan ahead.
Come up with your own strategies for helping to prevent anxiety attacks. It could be anything: a hand signal, a song, a book, or escaping the situation until a sane mind returns.
Most importantly, do not get mad at an anxious person. This will increase the anxiety. Besides, do you really believe that we enjoy feeling this way 24/7? The feeling of anxiety eats away at people, and the way that people treat you can can either benefit a person, or drastically effect the way that we respond when an attack strikes.
