I have always struggled with my weight. I was always that slightly chubby kid in school. But I never really noticed it until middle school happened. As I’m sure we can all remember, middle school is kind to no one. But it seemed to have a personal vendetta against me. Every day, I was bullied mercilessly about being the “fat kid” in school. Up until college I had never felt like I fit in. I grew up in an affluent town with girls that were skinny and pretty, and here I was, struggling with my body image because of a few stupid boys in middle school. Growing up, my parents tried everything to get me to lose weight. From cooking healthier at home, not eating out, to doctors appointments and blood tests. As any kid will tell you, when your parents force you into something, all you want to do is the exact opposite. But it wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I started to realize that I needed to change.

Before college, everyone hears about the “Freshman 15”. For me, it was more like the Freshman 30. But, as everyone who gains a lot of weight will tell you, you don’t see it until you start to change it. I was home over winter break when I heard about Shane. My mother had done some research about weight loss camps and came across this one. It had great reviews and, from the pictures, looked like a lot of fun. She called me into her office and had me sit down and looked at their website. On any other day, I would have walked in, heard what she wanted me to look at, and walked right back out. However, that day, for whatever reason, it clicked. I knew that I had let myself get out of control with my weight. But more importantly, I was ready to change it. So we sent in all the forms, the deposit, and anxiously awaited the summer.

The day came that I had to arrive. So we packed up my suitcase and drove the two hours to the resort that would be my home for the next two months. It was a nice resort, nothing too fancy. But then again, I wasn’t really there for a vacation anyway. I said goodbye to my mother, met the staff, and unpacked. Now I won’t bore you with the details of the day to day activities, but just for reference, six hours of working out a day, six days a week for two months straight. Needless to say it kicked my ass.

It has been a little over a month since I came home. I have not only been able to keep the 21 pounds I lost there off, but I have continued to lose more. But that to me seems very obvious. When I think back on this summer, I am first met with a speechlessness (which is a first for me). How can I possibly convey all this summer means to me. This summer has shaped me in so many ways I find it hard to pick a place to start.

This summer taught me that I am capable of far more than I give myself credit for. If you had told me this time last year that i would do something like this, I would have told you you were crazy. And yet, here I stand. I used to think that 5k’s were for people that were life long runners, not people like me. I used to allow an injury to halt my life and keep me from being active. I can tell you that after getting shin splints in both my legs, and spraining my ankle, that is no longer the case. I used to stop when my mind told me it was tired, not my body. I allowed my fear of failure to dictate when it was time to stop, not my drive. I used to fear change. But now I know that change is not only necessary, but enjoyable. If there was never change, we wouldn’t learn anything. Through change, we discover who we truly are.

This summer was the first thing I had ever done for myself, by myself. Everything I have done in terms of self improvement, my parents have always been there to hold my hand. This time, they were two hours away. I had catch myself when I fell and become my biggest cheerleader. I had to tell myself that I was worth all this work. I had to remind myself that work is love made visible. Now I’m not going to stand here and say that it was all perfect and happy. h There were moments there that I wanted to quit. I actually pulled my suitcase out of the closet I wanted to quit so badly. But I knew I had to do it for myself, because at the end of the day, the only person that would regret leaving, was me.

This summer gave me the tools I needed to become the person I was meant to be. On the surface, it was just a weight loss resort. But it was so much more. It was a place to be imperfect. It was a place to grow. It was a place to be human, to make mistakes, and to know that no one goes through anything alone. It was a place create relationships unlike anything I have ever witnessed before. It was a place to break down walls that had been up for years. It was a place to break free from the chains of the past. To say you were wrong to those who underestimated me. It was a place that allowed me to be fully me for the first time in my life.