I've always been somewhat of an introvert growing up; the opposite of my twin really. While socializing and fitting in never seemed hard for him, I know I struggled not only with where I fit in the greater scheme of things, but also with who I was or even aimed to be. If I was put into a situation where I didn't know how to do something or put into groups with people I didn't know, anxiety would overwhelm me and tie all these knots in my stomach to the point of nausea. It was so awkward for me that I would rarely talk at all, because I feared that I would say something really idiotic. I was comfortable enough around my friends to be loud and goofy, but at school, I was typically seen as the quiet or shy kid.
High school was where I opened up a bit more and started finding more things that I was interested in. If you've never been a band kid, let alone a marching band kid, it's pretty hard not to find those who just happen to be your people. I made so many friends in marching band and ultimately, for the most part, stopped caring what people thought and aimed to start figuring out who I was. Even though I've been an avid reader practically my whole life, I didn't realize my passion for writing until my junior year in high school, when my best friend and I started writing our own short stories during geometry, because we found the class to be absolutely impossible to stay focused in. The next year, we both took Creative Writing and I fell further in love with writing, mostly fiction, but that art as a whole was something that I clearly enjoyed almost as much as I loved band, if not more.
When I had determined that I wanted to attend Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College, they didn't have a band program, so I stuck with writing. The style of writing was much more difficult to what I was accustomed to, but I liked the challenge. And though I hadn't planned to join or try a bunch of new activities, fate seemed to have other plans and a massive sense of humor. By the will of a friend and the persuasiveness of a music professor at The Woods, I soon found myself in Chorale, with no prior choir experience or any inkling of how I was going to learn the basics in such a short time. Keep in mind that as a trombone player, I was learning not only the basics of chorale, but how to play the cello as well. Needless to say, I still stuggle trying to remember names of notes on the cello, and don't even try asking me about the names of choir notes, because I probably still couldn't tell you. It's all a jumbled mess in my head.
Apart from the challenge of learning different styles of writing and uncovering the vast unknowns and varieties in the music world, slowly I might add, I have learned so many other amazing things and gained many, amazing new friends. I have met super cool individuals and made friends with unique and awesome people that have given me a different perspective on many topics. With so many people encouraging me to try new things and supporting me in my decisions, I feel that I have become so much more comfortable in the atmosphere and ultimately myself. Professors are super chill and laid back and they make it easy for you to come to them for help on anything. Some don't mind if you sass and joke with them and are usually more willing to dish it back, which is unique and magnificent.
I ended up attending the porch dance this year with my best friend/suitemate, which is something I probably would not have done before college. I had a blast and danced and sang the whole night, if you can call flailing your arms dancing. College has challenged me in so many different areas, but it has also provided me the opportunity to grow as a person and learn who that person is. It has taught me much about what I value and who I want to be or aspire to. I am still an introvert, but I'd like to think that I am an extroverted introvert: Someone who likes to get out, try new things, socialize with new people, but ultimately needs time to myself to recharge for the next new thing to try. If I had to end this with one piece of advice, it would be to stick to what you love, but don't be afriad to try new things, because all of these little opportunities you miss out on are opportunities for growth lost.
